Wow. I get into it with this episode. There are a lot of hurting/struggling/frustrated/disgruntled people in the world, and especially in the US. And there are a lot of reasons behind the suffering and discontent - as well as a lot of proposed solutions. There’s also a lot of blaming, criticizing, and side taking.

What’s the role of perspective in all of this? What’s the worth of other perspectives, particularly when facing a problem? What’s the value of staying open and entertaining other views? Should we allow for nuance? Is it worth our time considering a problem’s cause and contributors when seeking a solution? Does the problem/solution have to be binary, either/or, us or them? Is it always “wrong” versus “right”?

Happy listening.

Find me on Instagram @the_nativist

The latest installment of The Nativist’s addiction series is a gut punch.

My incredible friend Jessie Enander shares the heartbreaking - and tragically relevant - story of how painkillers destroyed her best friend’s life.

Jessie talks about how her friend, a stay-at-home mother, fell prey to the horrors of addiction. Jessie describes the addiction’s progression and symptoms, and how terrifyingly easy it is to obtain and get hooked on heavy pain pills.

Jessie candidly tells us her reactions and emotions throughout the experience. She emphasizes the importance of compassion and recognizing the person beneath the addiction. She identifies what she wishes she would have known then, and how she wishes she would’ve handled it.

It’s a moving, informative, profound, and necessary part in my ongoing effort to normalize conversations on addiction.

The resource Jessie shares is www.shatterproof.org , an invaluable resource that works to end the stigma and provide help by informing, connecting, and guiding addicts and their loved ones through addiction.

You can find Jessie on Instagram @themomhatter

Love you all,

-w-

Today’s episode is moving, it’s enlightening, it’s illuminating, it’s inspiring… It’s as remarkable as the woman who shares it: Mindy Cervantes.

Mindy candidly and compassionately shares her story of being married to someone addicted to alcohol. She takes us through how it began, how it progressed, and how it resolved. She outlines what steps she took on her end to empower and heal herself, so she could deal with the issue, and notes how those steps actually revolutionized not only her relationship with her husband, but also her relationship with herself and others. She highlights the importance of doing our own work, whether we’re the addict or we’re supporting one.

She answers the million dollar question of what was finally the catalyst for change. She spotlights the less-often discussed phase of navigating post-sobriety and its accompanying questions and considerations.

As in past episodes, we emphasize addiction touches us all, whether directly or indirectly.

The website Mindy mentions is www.loveoveraddiction.com and you can click here for the podcast.

Find and follow Mindy on Facebook @MindyCervantes and Instagram @mindy.d.cervantes

I thank you and I love you.

-w-

Another hard-hitting and stellar conversation in my ongoing series on addiction.

Today’s guest is Hallie Hanohano-Erickson, who shares her perspective of a loved one watching her brother and “brother-in-law” experience drug addiction.

Hallie candidly speaks on her emotional evolution, and what she did to help her process and understand the experience. Hallie highlights signs to look for, and realizations to keep in mind. Hallie remarks on how she would have responded differently, knowing what she knows now, and what she’s learned during the journey, such as how to be an ally, not an enabler.

The podcast Hallie references is Last Day by Stephanie Wittels Wachs. The podcast I reference is Armchair Expert, particularly Episode 87 with Johann Hari from March 14, 2019 (exactly two years ago!).

Please excuse the inexplicable “swamp monster” sound you occasionally hear in the background. We tried identifying the cause, but no such luck. If you power through, it’s totally worth it.

Love you.

Thank you for listening and caring.

The series on addiction continues. In this episode, my long-time amiga Nicholia speaks on addiction in general and alcoholism in particular. Not only has Nicholia specifically taught on the subject to her high school students, but she also personally experienced it in her home growing up (and into adulthood).

Nicholia shares her experience of having an alcoholic parent, and how that affected her own parenting. She describes how her mother’s approach to it was especially impactful to Nicholia, as a person and as a mother herself.

She tells us about the scary close call that finally led to her father’s sobriety, after doubting it would ever happen.

We discuss generational trauma and how our current habits (and addictions) impact not only us, but our posterity. We emphasize the importance of digging into the discomfort and facing your demons, to heal and prevent generational and current trauma.

Nicholia gifts us with wisdom and a gorgeous message of hope.

In the second installment of my addiction series, our guest shares his experience being addicted to porn. In the first installment, we heard the perspective of a spouse; this time, we hear directly from the addict. Eric Gallup explains what led him to pornography and his unhealthy relationship with it. He discusses what drove him to pornography, and whether or not it reflected his contentment with his partner and marriage. Eric reflects on how he climbed from rock bottom to the happy, healthy, uplifting, grateful person he is today as a life coach. Not only does this episode highlight addiction truths, but life lessons as well.

You can follow Eric Gallup on Facebook. On there, he also has his Curative Coaching page if you’d like to hire him as your life coach.

This series has been a desire of mine for awhile now.

Though widespread, addiction is still stigmatized, hushed, shamed, and (I feel) generally misunderstood.

But it affects all of us (whether you realize it or not) directly and indirectly. So let’s talk about it.

Dr. Gabor Maté, MD, is known for his unique perspective on addiction, child development and trauma, and how this stress manifests in the body, and he has written several related books. While on The Goop Podcast (episode from 3/26/2019 titled How Does Childhood Stress Manifest in Adulthood?), Dr. Maté provided a nutshell definition:

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”Addiction is manifested in any behavior in which a person finds temporary relief and pleasure and therefore craves, but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and cannot give up despite negative consequences.”

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It could be addiction to pornography, sex, food, relationships, video gaming…or even to work and profit.

Dr. Maté notes when he gives this talk to any group of 800-1000 people and asks how many present by that definition have an addiction, virtually everyone will raise their hand.

Wow. Think about that.

Most of us are addicted to something (whether we realize/acknowledge it or not).  

Dr. Maté continues on to remark on how we judge those with addictions of which we don’t approve. We’ve arbitrarily decided which addictions are respectable and which are not. For example: We judge heroin addicts more than cigarette smokers, which is interesting because from a health standpoint, cigarettes are worse for you than heroin (unless you overdose on heroin). 

There are multiple manifestations, experiences, and contributing factors regarding addiction. This series is to normalize this conversation. To offer various perspectives and angles, from addicts and from those who love them. These views/experiences may differ from your own. Good. I hope so.

This is part of The Nativist’s broader purpose of sharing stories and views, to connect to ourselves and others; to nurture empathy and inspire us to look outside our personal experience and perspective, so we may learn, grow, understand, and live more fully.

In this episode, Reagan Garrett candidly shares her story of having a spouse addicted to porn. As a new mom and wife at the tender age of 17, Reagan tells us how she discovered the addiction, and what she did with that information. She speaks on her initial and subsequent reactions, her thoughts, her coping methods, her recommendations, and her current views on the matter.

She inspires me.

(Please excuse the poor audio quality on this episode. It’s worth it.)

If you’d like to connect with Reagan to share/relate to your own experience, you may find her on Instagram @reagang_

THANK YOU for caring. This matters.