When Preparation Meets Opportunity
Jessica E. Jones backstage at the Grammys
This episode has major star power. Weβre graced with the presence of Jessica E. Jones, aka IVYWILD: Grammy winner, multi-faceted singer, childhood friend, and light bringer. Possibly most important? She performed for RBG herself. What a claim to fame.
Not only does she have the speaking voice of a Disney princess, but sheβs an exceptionally articulate, driven, talented, lovely person. In this episode, we highlight how talent may get you in the race, but hard work, tenacity, and interpersonal skills can carry you across the finish line.
Jessica shares how she proceeded past resistance that may have deterred others, but set her up for success beyond her wildest dreams. We discuss resilience, grit, humility, reinvention, vulnerability, and CONNECTION - to self, to passion, and to others.
Highly inspirational, highly empowering.
Itβs a showstopper. Just like her.
And speaking of reinvention, sheβs branching out beyond classical music. Listen to her latest music she just dropped (and will continue dropping) on all of the major streaming platforms.
Find her on:
Website: www.jessicaejones.com (watch her performances, etc)
Instagram: @jessopranojones / @therealivywild
Facebook: @Ivywild Fanpage
Twitter: @therealivywild
Sheβs also on TikTok
IVYWILD - Image by Eric J. Keller / @soulcatcherstudio
Jessica E. Jones singing Musetta in a production of La bohΓ©me
IVYWILD - Image by Eric J. Keller / @soulcatcherstudio
Learn and Live. Live and Learn.
In honor of Native American Heritage Month, Effie Hernandez comes on the pod to inform and inspire. Effie is a member of the Shoshone Tribe and works as a multi-cultural coordinator for a community college in Idaho Falls. Though Effie provides great resources and insight for planning your future (especially for Indigenous youth), this isnβt just for teenagers contemplating college. In true Nativist fashion, we go deep. We talk about living your own life and how fulfilling your unique potential can be different, daunting, challenging, and empowering, and how it allows you to elevate and enrich othersβ lives as well (the more skills and knowledge you have, the more value you can contribute!). We emphasize the importance of defining: your life, your terms, your success. We explore how diversity and inclusion can have different meanings for different people, and we invite awareness and reflection on this. We highlight the power of continuing education - formal and informal - and how humility and curiosity are crucial components. Know your options. Define your terms. Leverage your potential.
Contact Effie:
Effie Hernandez Multicultural Coordinator, 208-535-5338, effie.hernandez@cei.edu
Scholarships for Indigenous youth (as referenced in the episode, via Dr. Amanda Cheromiahβs TikTok video on how she graduated debt free):
*Look into the specific scholarships of your own tribe(s)/institution
Find Dr. Amanda Cheromiah on TikTok/Instagram @drcheromiah
Perspective
Wow. I get into it with this episode. There are a lot of hurting/struggling/frustrated/disgruntled people in the world, and especially in the US. And there are a lot of reasons behind the suffering and discontent - as well as a lot of proposed solutions. Thereβs also a lot of blaming, criticizing, and side taking.
Whatβs the role of perspective in all of this? Whatβs the worth of other perspectives, particularly when facing a problem? Whatβs the value of staying open and entertaining other views? Should we allow for nuance? Is it worth our time considering a problemβs cause and contributors when seeking a solution? Does the problem/solution have to be binary, either/or, us or them? Is it always βwrongβ versus βrightβ?
Happy listening.
Find me on Instagram @the_nativist
What Does Authenticity Look Like?
βAuthenticity does not mean baring all.β
My friend and I were talking the other day about authenticity. Itβs one of my favorite topics to ponder, explore, and discuss, increasingly so in this era of social media, filters, and curated images and lifestyles.
To take it a step further, itβs also been even more on my mind during my acne-healing journey. I feel a lot of shame for not having perfectly clear, even-toned, smooth skin. Intellectually, do I know Iβm more than what I look like? Absolutely. Intellectually, do I know my true worth is not based on appearance? Yes. BUT. My worth in society, by its standards, very much depends on the image I convey - regardless of how I actually am and look. Society doesnβt care about inner beauty, kindness, grace, intention, depth, excuses, health, REALITY. Its standards are ruthless, rigid, exacting, fluctuating, fickle, impatient, demanding, superficial, and - most importantly - ELUSIVE. Full, true achievement is impossible - always dancing out of reach. Society and its advertisements will convince you with just the right fitness regimen, just the right face cream, just the right fashion aesthetic, you can βmake it.β Itβs brilliant marketing - but itβs bullshit. Whatβs in today will be out tomorrow. Whoever is lucky enough to have their natural look align with the current trend (body/face/hair shape, etc) is instantly deemed superior: in looks, in character, in ability, in LIFE. And for those who miss the mark, whether due to mere timing (better luck next on the next βfadβ) or total divergence, hope is copiously commodified. What you canβt (or wonβt) change/fix, is your fault, your flaw, your demerit. And thatβs part of the allure. Thatβs how they hook you: holding up an example of how you should be/look, with the implicit (or even explicit) acknowledgment you donβt, with the assurance that all you need is this (insert product) to achieve your goal (aka worthiness). And for extra kicks, thereβs not just one world judging panel. Whatβs ideal in one context/culture/era/etc is hideous in another. Contradictions galore - even within the same context; for women especially. Example: If you hide your body, youβre an unattractive prude; if you show your body, youβre a deviant slut. Double standards are part of the game. Mixed signals much? Itβs. EXHAUSTING.
But that conditioning runs DEEP. Bone deep, it often feels. If youβre surrounded by something, for every day of your life, itβs bound to permeate. Youβre bound to be affected. Your subconscious picks up what society is putting down, and your psyche doesnβt easily release that. Weβre wired for social acceptance - it was (and even actually still virtually is) vital to our survival. If you were kicked out of the clan back in the day, your chances of feeding and protecting yourself plummeted. And even today - loneliness is a major mortality risk factor. Weβre social creatures - we pretty much all crave belonging.
So yeah, having a pizza face in a world like this doesnβt always feel awesome. And I really hate the thought of needing/wanting face makeup to hide my βimperfections.β In a lot of ways, I have no shame in what I look like. I still wear clothes after they get holes in them. I still face the public after Iβve had a chemical peel or laser treatment. Stuff like that doesnβt bother me at all. Honestly, I think because it doesnβt feel attached to me, to my self worth. If Iβm wearing ripped clothes, I can remove them - theyβre not part of me. If I have a comically red face, obviously itβs because I just experienced something (even the onlooker doesnβt know what the hell that something is!). Itβs not ME. But acne - that feels like itβs ME. Like I just am not good enough, the way I am, and then I need to cover up my so-called βflawsβ to be acceptable, worthy, wanted. Yes, I know my friends and family will accept me no matter what I look like. And I donβt expect someone to cruelly comment on my complexion. But they donβt need to - I know what theyβre saying. And Iβm equating that to my failure to meet the standard: societyβs standard Iβve accepted and internalized. Again, do I objectively know how messed up that is? Absolutely. But when thatβs tethered to a message the world has relentlessly hammered into you, in multiple (sometimes unknown) ways, your whole life - itβs going to take root. Itβs going to take time to de-internalize, to flush out. Is complete system override even possible? Who knows. It feels doubtful, especially right now. But the more weβre aware, and the more we intentionally, personally, and collectively call BS and defy it, step by step, weβll make a dent, and then a bigger dent, and then a bigger dent.
So speaking of unrealistic societal beauty standards, and speaking of authenticity - I was really bumming. Lately, Iβve really pulled back from showing my face on social media. I try to avoid filters, and I though I hate covering my face in makeup, I donβt feel comfortable bare facing it. I just donβt. My βhighest selfβ would love to say βscrew itβ and post a picture of myself makeup free - not only to rebel against toxic beauty culture, but also to live and show my truth, to offer hope and light to others, and to be fully authentic. But Iβve realized (much to my sisterβs credit) that my mental health matters - and I must honor where I am RIGHT NOW. I donβt have to ignore where I was and where I want to be, but I do have to acknowledge and respect where I am. Right now. And right now, my mental health would really take a hit. I have such an all-or-nothing personality, and Iβm learning the value of moderation, of step by step.
Truly though, I felt like such a fraud. Here I am promoting self love, self acceptance, unconditional worthiness independent of our exterior, and yetβ¦I didnβt even feel comfortable posting a picture of myself sans foundation. Because I care about what I look like. And thatβs okay. Like I said earlier, we have been and still are inundated with this βconditional worthinessβ model every day of our lives. It wonβt disappear overnight. Itβll take time, patience, intention, awareness, solidarity, grace, persistence, and compassion. We can simultaneously aspire to something - and promote that something - while living an authentic but complex, flawed existence. This doesnβt have to mean weβre inauthentic or disingenuous. Honesty is key, and so Iβm offering my honesty to you.
Which brings us to another subtopic of this: privacy in the context of authenticity. I think for many of us, media - particularly social media - has warped our sense of what we should and shouldnβt share with the world, what weβre obligated to share with the world, and what weβre entitled to know about others (especially celebrities, but also the rest of us mere mortals).
βWeβve come to equate authenticity with transparency and full disclosure.β
I think for multiple reasons weβre susceptible to feeling - and being - pressured to reveal more and more of our inner world: for likes, for attention, for validation, for sales. Vulnerability has become commercialized, leveraged, strategized. In a way, I think this has desensitized us and removed us: from our selves, and from others. βRaw momentsβ have become content we now scroll past. We want more. Our thirst for it grows, prompting us to not only top our last βshare,β but othersβ shares. To stand out, to stop the scroll. To prove ourselves. If we donβt bare all, weβre often equated with being fake, posed, superficial. Weβve come to equate authenticity with transparency. Weβre nurturing voyeurism and judgment. Itβs bad enough with celebrities. I mean, come ON - just because someone is in a movie does not mean theyβre obligated to share the details of their divorce, or eating disorder, or addiction struggle. Who are we to think weβre entitled to know that? Do you want YOUR most tender, private moments and issues put on blast? For the world to openly and ruthlessly (and ignorantly) dissect? Whereβs the humanity? Your privacy is sacred. More and more Iβm really drawn to privacy; to being more selective about what I share, and how I share it. Trustworthiness matters.
Just in case I gave you the wrong impression with my content on hereβ¦Iβm not always gracious. Iβm not always cool, calm, and collected. Iβm not always grounded and present. Iβm not always sweet and nice (those arenβt always positives anyway). Iβm not always motivated. Iβm not always sure of myself. I definitely donβt always have it together. I can be fiery and reactive. I can be spacey. I can be frustrated.
Sometimes I feel like a fake when I come on here extolling the virtues of love, empathy, acceptance, calmness, patience, and understanding - then donβt always live those IRL. Do I try? Do I believe in and mean what I say? Absolutely. Every single word. Do I have pure intentions? All the way. But knowing and applying are two different things, right? We know this. Think of all the things you know you should/shouldnβt do for your health/relationships/success - yet donβt/do. For multiple possible reasons (itβs not always just about willpower). Even docs and other experts are humans and experience this. The knowledge alone isnβt enough - itβs what we [consistently] do with that knowledge. In the past, if an expert ever (intentionally or otherwise) revealed fallibility in their own application of the knowledge, Iβll admit, Iβd start to doubt/discount their expertise and message. Now, I realize thatβs not fair and that doesnβt serve them or me. Just because you donβt always live the answer doesnβt mean you donβt have it. (Gabby Bernstein quote). Weβre all human and we all have our own challenges and hang-ups.
Check-ins with yourself can be helpful. This can look like asking yourself the following: Does your life reflect the person you believe yourself to be and say you are? Without you declaring youβre open minded, inclusive, non-discriminatory, generous, principled, ethical, good, etc, how would people know? Could they just tell by observing you? Do your words align with your actions and lifestyle? Does your life speak for itself? Sure, we wonβt be our βhighest selfβ every second of every day. Expecting ourselves and others to be is unfair and unreasonable - and a losing game. Weβll have our moments. But overall - what message does the way you live your life convey?
Back to my conversation with my friend, in which we touched on basically all Iβve said up to now. We also talked about how authenticity manifests differently with different people. I mean, it makes sense, right? Your authenticity is rooted in your individuality. It seems obvious, but I think it can be easy to forget. For example, my friend and I were laughing about when during pre-school orientation the teacher expressed interest in hiring my sis for photography and my sis replied, βLet a ho know!β My friend and I were both there, both reacting with jaw drops. We both love my sister for letting her personality shine through. She is who she is and that doesnβt fluctuate depending on her audience/environment. Thatβs her authenticity. But my friend and I being more selective of when and where to say certain things can be just as authentic. Itβs not that weβre masking our selves, our truths, our thoughts, or our personalities - itβs just that weβre adjusting to our environment/audience, and communicating accordingly. Sure, there is potential here for disingenuousness, but itβs not a given.
Furthermore, my friend and I prefer to get ready when we go out into public. Like my friend says, she shows up in the school drop-off line dressed and ready for the day, while other moms show up in sweats and last nightβs makeup. This doesnβt mean one mom is more authentic than another or βrealβ than the other. The βrealβ in βkeeping it realβ manifests differently, depending on the individual.
And while weβre at it, Iβve really been thinking lately on how interesting it is where we all arbitrarily draw the line: with politics, with values, with aesthetics, etc. If youβre all about accepting yourself the way you are, does that mean youβre against teeth whitening? Shaving/waxing/lasering (especially legs/underarms on females)? Braces (for aesthetic reasons)? Makeup? Cutting/coloring your hair? Plastic surgery isnβt the only way to alter your body. If you get your lashes done yet denounce cosmetic filler, thatβs drawing the line for yourself. And we all have our lines drawn differently. Whoβs to say whoβs right?
Like I said, authenticity has long been a value and focus of mine. We must first know who we are - and that can seem daunting and confusing. To live your truth, we must know your truth - but what even IS your truth? Sometimes it seems cloudy.
From my personal experience, our truth is always there - and ours to know - itβs not necessarily instantly known to us. And from even before weβre born (with generational trauma, experiences in utero, etc) those layers start multiplying, piling one on top of another, burying our truth further and further down.
To access your truth requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS. It can be a lifelong process and journey of uncovering your layers and accessing your authenticity. Your true self. Your truth, in its purest form.
Iβve found different phases in my life uncover new, different, deeper layers New experiences, new ages, new lessons unlock new levels; new nuggets of wisdom and truths about myself. It seems like no matter how well I think I know myself (and Iβm a reflecter and deep thinker - I thought I knew myself pretty damn well) - there are still always new discoveries and strata to discover. Layers that only time, knowledge, experience, wisdom, and maturity can illuminate.
βThereβs no normal. Thereβs you.β
So like I said, it can all take time, but our truth is always there - and ours to know - even if itβs not necessarily instantly known to us. To access it requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS.
This doesnβt mean knowing and channeling your authenticity requires a journey of a zillion steps, and in the meantime weβre just buzzing around like a bunch of posers with no idea who we are (though that right there is a pretty loaded surface statement that we could spend some time unpacking. Letβs just say I think weβre all on an authenticity, self-awareness spectrum - and tend to bounce around the spectrum depending on time/environment/subject/etc). There is a superspeed highway, shortcut version to expedite the process and access the authenticity reservoir that is the YOU inside you: get quiet (in any sense of the word - stillness can help, but isnβt required). Calm your mind and body as much as possible, and allow your inner knowing to come through. Pay attention to what resonates, and how it resonates, within you.
Those are your guides: who and what resonate with you.
Thank you for being here and caring. I love you.
A Match for Your Mountain
Suddenly being told to rush your βhealthyβ baby to the ER because those seemingly minor symptoms actually reveal a serious, lifelong condition would unnerve virtually any parent, especially if youβre a first timer.
Roman Ternus is one special girl in her own special way (youβll see what I mean in the intro). She sparkles, she dazzles, she charms, and she inspires. She is full of life and light, undeterred by lifeβs curvies thrown her way. Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes (T1D) at only one year old, Romey learned early on how to roll with the punches. Romey and her equally lovable and inspirational mother, Jeminee, share their climb.
By listening to this episode, youβll get even more than just a cute, motivating story from a cute, motivating girl. There are many important messages in here: accepting and re-framing lifeβs challenges; recognizing and leveraging your inner strength; embracing and cultivating your partnerships; accessing and channeling bravery; and respecting and heeding your intuition. Youβll also hear important signs to look for to detect T1D.
Jeminee tells us her initial thoughts and reactions, and how she sustains her strength and gratitude through the demands of caring for a child with T1D.
This episode is a story of resilience, of hope, of hope, and of gratitude, and it serves as a powerful reminder YOU are a match for YOUR mountain.
Below is the full video to the audio snippet youβll hear in the episodeβs intro (so you can really see little Romey shine!). Find this and more on Jemineeβs Instagram page: @jemified_
Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring.
-w-
Toxic Venting vs. Healthy Venting
Are you a toxic venter or a healthy venter?
You may know how important feeling and processing your emotions are. Repressing them just allows them to metastasize and eventually explode in a bigger and uglier way. Venting can help you gain perspective and clarity, and assist you in moving forward and healing. Venting can be necessary. Leaving emotions/frustrations/anger bottled up can be toxic - but so can venting if we do it a certain way.
In this episode, I highlight specific signs of both toxic venting and healthy venting, and suggest different ways to release that pressure valve to leave you feeling lighter, happier, clearer, and freer.
The Revisionist History episode I reference at the end is titled Episode #25: Free Brian Williams, from June 7, 2018 (full transcript here ).
I love you.
Thank you for listening! You can find me on Facebook or on Instagram @the_nativist
Dare to Follow
Leadership is a sweetheart topic. Weβre inundated with advice and resources and guidance on being an effective leader. Weβre taught to seek to lead, not follow. Weβre taught to value leading over following; to respect leaders more than followers. And while thereβs merit and value in striving to aim high and lead (in whatever form that takes: in your own life, in a team, etc) there can be just as much merit and value in following (particularly in the discernment of knowing WHEN to follow versus WHEN to lead - thatβs important).
We canβt all be leaders all of the time. What chaos that would be! And what a disservice to us, to our happiness, our development, our breadth and depth of life experience, our psyche, our frigginβ SANITY.
How can we be well-rounded, balanced, (physically and emotionally) healthy human beings if we only serve (or try to serve) in the same capacity? What a mess thatβd be. And stunting for our growth (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual).
In this episode, I highlight the value of following, and its overlap with leading (leading can be following and following can be leading!). I emphasize the importance of deciding your own definition of success, and understanding others have theirs. I explain how we can lead by following - and the key that differentiates a strong follower from a mere sheep (this same key also makes you good leader). This episode may be short, but itβs still deep.
Thank you for listening!
Find me on Facebook or Instagram: @the_nativist
Lead Laugh Love
Leadership. Itβs often glorified and discussed, often regarding a formal role, position, or status. How reductive and limiting.
No matter what organization youβre part of, or group you belong to, or title you have/lack - YOU are and can be a leader - at the very least, the leader of your own dang life.
In this episode, I highlight various ways we can lead from where we stand, no matter who we are or what we do (some will likely surprise you). I outline subtle and overt ways we can directly/indirectly influence those around us and the world at large.
I suggest ways to empower yourself and take control of your life, to live it on your own terms.
Weβre all leaders. This isnβt saying we all deserve trophies and can phone it in. No, it really is about the different ways we can each lead - from where we individually stand. Itβs about trying, doing your best, reclaiming your power, taking responsibility and owning your life.
Lead on.
-w-
Find me on Facebook and Instagram (@the_nativist)
Less Sweet More Heart
Do you equate being sweet with being a good person? Do you ever say yes when you want to say no? Do you ever strategically place exclamation points to appear nice and upbeat? Do you ever say you'd love to make plans when you really wouldn't? Do you ever feel like you give give give while others take? Do you find yourself feeling resentful, or passive aggressive?
In this episode I talk about how sweetness can be misleading and even damaging, particularly when it stems from fear and anxiety rather than authenticity and values.
I discuss how it can be problematic and limiting. I offer guidance on living more authentically and kindly without being aggressive or sacrificing yourself to sweetness. This will nurture respect and deepen connections, in relation to yourself and others.
Find me on Instagram @the_nativist
The Instagram post I reference in the episode is:
Go.Connect.Win.
Iβve said it before and Iβll say it again: connection is key. Itβs why I constantly pose the questions I do: on here, on social media, in person. Even my Would You Rather Wednesday questions (I post weekly on my Instagram and Facebook stories) have purpose. Sure, part of it is just to have fun, but the larger part is to connect you to yourself. To deepen your awareness of yourself. To assess and realize your views, to facilitate your familiarity with your fears, your values, your hopes, your possible blind spots, your biases, yourβ¦everything that makes you you.
Weβve heard it before: changing the world starts within, with us individually.
In this episode, I talk about how connecting first to ourselves, and then to others:
heightens our happiness and sense of meaning and fulfillment
strengthens our relationships
nurtures our understanding of self and others
lengthens our lives (itβs science, baby)
clears the layers blocking connection to others
lessens divides
facilitates solutions
informs choices
improves, you knowβ¦EVERYTHING
I offer questions to ask yourself to gauge how connected you are to yourself. I give guidance on how to [further] connect to yourself, so you can show up authentically, as well as suggestions on how to connect to others. I get personal about times Iβve felt disconnected and how thatβs impacted my life and relationship.
So instead of go fight win, the new slogan is GO CONNECT WIN.
Find me on Instagram @the_nativist
Love you. Mean it.
-w-
The D Word
In this solo episode, I talk divorce in its broadest sense. Not just the dissolution of a marriage, but the βconscious uncouplingβ (great term, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin!) from anything that no longer serves you: one-sided friendships, toxic habits, regressive thought patterns, unhealthy practices, stagnant jobs, outgrown partnerships, etc.
I suggest helpful questions to ask yourself to effectively approach and navigate the situation, and to help determine if a divorce is needed (again, divorce in the broadest sense).
I offer angles to consider and solid steps you can take (including a specific activity you can do) to [re]claim your power, promote your healing, and serve the highest good.
Mucho love to you all.
-w-
Indigenous Voices Series Part 2
In this second part of my Indigenous Voices series, I spotlight Sequoia Dance-Leighton, an enrolled member of the Shoshone-Bannock tribes, a descendant of the Assiniboine Red Bottom clan, and a resident of the Nimiipuu (Nez Perce) land. With a bachelor's degree in human development and a master's degree in social and cultural pedagogy, she is now pursuing a PhD in cultural studies and social thought in education.
It's a longer episode than most, simply because it was such a fun, easy, stimulating conversation and I didn't want to stop! This conversation is packed with subtle yet profound life truths.
Sequoia describes how being of mixed descent impacts how she perceives and how she feels perceived, all while she works to fuse those two worlds. She shares her story of connecting with her native heritage and cultural identity. She outlines her approach to balancing: ancient wisdom with newer perspectives; older generations with younger cohorts; professional ambition with self care; and social activism with personal boundaries.
Sequoia tells us about working with the youth and striving to amplify voices that are usually silenced. She gives tips on avoiding micro aggressions and complacency. She explains settler colonialism, and offers a fresh take on viewing the earth and those who call it home. We emphasize the enduring wisdom of indigenous people, and the importance of seeking it out, no matter your ethnicity or location.
This may seem like a niche episode, but its relevance and applications are anything but. If you enjoy it half as much as I did, you'll really dig it.
You can find Sequoia on:
Instagram: @therealrezwife
Twitter: @SequoiaDance
TikTok: @realrezwife
Resources mentioned in the show:
native-land.ca : to find native land on which you live
Chelsey Luger: a trainer/facilitator for the Native Wellness Institute, and the cofounder and editor of Well for Culture.
Indigenous Voices Series Part 1
In a world of worthy causes, the indigenous voice is often drowned out. This series aims to illuminate it.
If you're interested at all in being a more informed and respectful human, this is a goldmine. Elise Blaser returns to share with us her indigenous perspective from a cultural, historical, and personal standpoint. She tells us about growing up in both Canada and the US while having both native and Caucasian blood. She outlines common disparities and misconceptions surrounding indigenous culture and people, and ways in which we could unwittingly be disrespecting those cultures (some may surprise you!). She highlights her favorite cultural aspects, and how non-natives can partake without disrespecting. We reference the @illuminative Instagram post (see below) distinguishing between appreciation and appropriation, citing concrete guidelines and frequently asked questions (like if it's okay to wear moccasins or smudge).
Rather than preachy and critical, this conversation is lighthearted yet deep, educational yet engaging, and fun yet reverent. And critically important.
You can find Elise on Instagram @eliselilaa
Illuminatives
Instagram post from March 31, 2021
The Depths of Despair
Light and love andβ¦despair.
Despair. I sure as hell have felt it (I donβt say that glibly - I mean it). Chances are youβve also felt it (to whatever degree). If you havenβt (yet), you likely know someone who has/is feeling it.
Itβs part of the human experience, so letβs respect it, and letβs talk about it: for ourselves and for others.
If youβre seeking a message of hope, this is for Y O U. I had no idea what to speak on today, so I said a quick prayer for insight on what message was needed. I took a couple of deep breaths and βdespairβ floated through, immediately and clearly.
This initially threw me off, because it doesnβt resonate with my current experience. However, like I said - Iβve been there. And like almost all of my content, I donβt usually share whatβs reflective of my current situation - I let my intuition guide me to whatβs resonant for yours. And itβs always delivered.
In this episode, I open up and tell you my relationship with despair, and how despair has shown up in my life. I also offer a tried-and-true, CONCRETE action you can take when feeling lost/frustrated/hopeless/defeated/untethered - or just βoff.β Works [for me] every.single.time.
I identify why I started The Nativist, and how that relates to you.
Thank you for showing up and doing what it takes - for yourself, and for those around us.
-w-
Heal for Real
This is for you if: youβre always tired - no matter how much sleep you get; you have more questions than answers regarding your health/body; youβve ever experienced chronic illness/pain; you feel like youβre battling your metabolism; you have lingering health questions that are never quite satisfactorily answered; you feel OK now but want to feel as great as possible in 10, 20, 30 years; you want to optimize your health and nutrition; you feel like youβre at war with your skin (this is especially for you)
And if you love inspiring stories - youβll like this.
In this episode, I talk to Jackie Lee Gibbs, who shares her self-transformation journey of healing from severe acne following the Medical Medium protocol. Jackie tells us what she did to radically transform her skin, and how doing so led to an internal transformation as well.
Though we do talk skincare, this conversation extends far beyond that into general health and wellness. We discuss facing and navigating adversity, trusting yourself and your body, investing in your health, and leveraging your experience to help others.
More than anything, this episode is a message of hope: for those of us feeling discouraged/betrayed by our body/lost/overwhelmed/confused. This is for you.
I highly encourage you to further explore the Medical Mediumβs work, whether through his blog here , his Instagram account @medicalmedium, his podcast (iTunes/Apple Podcasts/Spotify), or his books. Your mind will be blown. I spent several years and countless hours seeking and researching answers, seeing multiple specialists and spending thousands of dollars, only to end up with no relief or answers for my health issues. The answers I received never quite explained everything or fully connected. It was only when I read Anthony Williamβs (the Medical Medium) information that everything.finally.clicked. Everything.
Iβm a believer.
You can find Jackie on Instagram @myskintruth where she shares tips on caring for your skin internally and externally, gentle skincare and skin-healing tools, healing plants and recipes, skin-healing inspiration and compassion, kitchen tips and tricks, the healing process, and her self-transformation journey. If youβd like to work with her, you can contact her via her website here
Taking Accountability and Regulating Our Emotions
This post (and itβs corresponding podcast episode) is per request - and is also actually a specific topic Iβve really wanted to tackle.
Today weβre talking about taking accountability for our actions, and for regulating our emotions.
And as youβll soon see, there is so.much. to cover here. Itβs good stuff, so letβs dive in.
Below, youβll find a transcription to this episode, so you have the option to read/listen!
You mightβve heard itβs not what hand weβre dealt - itβs what we do with it. Weβre not responsible for the initial hand weβre dealt, but we are responsible for how we play it. Itβs on us to do something with it. (This right here is a whole other conversation about privilege, drive, luck, agency vs. destiny, etc - but weβll stay on the surface here.)
Itβs easier to blame than it is to take accountability and do the work. And sure, there are legitimate sources of blame, and legitimate challenges (trauma, etc) weβve experienced that have caused our situation. This doesnβt discount those. Those should be acknowledged and emotionally/physically/psychologically processed, etc. Also, this is pretty nuanced and not always as simple as just willing your way through something. but at the end of the day, still, to truly heal and move forward is up to us. And sometimes (and often) moving forward comes through seeking/accepting the help and resources we need, at least to give us a solid footing. While seeking and receiving may seem passive, and may seem like offloading the responsibility - thatβs just not so. Theyβre active approaches to healing and resolution. We can be surrounded by the best resources and help in the world, but unless we let it in - itβs useless. and the letting it in is entirely up to us.
Letβs tilt this to a slightly different angle. Letβs talk about when people do us dirty, or create the problem. I just got done with my addiction series. Part of this included the perspectives of wives of addicts. Far and away, the most effective and powerful approach and resolving factor were the wives attending to their side of the street. Did they cause the issue? No (though this can get nuanced in many cases, as there are multiple contributing factors in situations involving addiction). But what/whom weβre talking about here, no - the wives were victims here, so to speak. Are they justified in getting angry and blaming their spouse? Sure, absolutely. And itβs important to feel your feelings and express them as necessary, and to not try to good vibe your way out of it, thereby repressing emotions. All emotions serve a purpose and have value, and repressing them only delays (and often magnifies and worsens) their expression. What we resist persists. Theyβll come out eventually - usually at a greater magnitude and worse moment. But these wives credit their survival and current mental wellness with working on themselves: seeking therapy, turning inward, etc. They reflected on their own issues, and how those issues were impacting the current situation, and their reactions to the current situation.
For one of the wives, this meant she ended up taking her baby and leaving her husband (which took remarkable strength and courage, considering how young she was and what little she had). Now, sheβs healthy, happy, and newly married. She took ownership of herself and her situation. Often, these tough times are gifts because they reveal what isnβt working, and (sometimes forcefully) nudge us into facing and handling that. One of the wives stayed with her husband, and he credits her individual self work for his sobriety. He told me his wifeβs βworking on herselfβ was the best thing she could have done because I noticed and wanted to be better as well, which was a huge factor [in] why. I tried to give up alcohol many times before, and when she was finally healed enough to leave, I became strong enough to quit.β
And thatβs important to note too: Our actions have ripple effects. We have the power to inspire and uplift others. When we take care of ourselves, that radiates to those around us, and affects the world. When we rise, we can take others with us. Not that that should necessarily be our reason why, but itβs a beautiful secondary motive.
Now letβs talk about when someone says/does something that pisses us off. Bums us out. Triggers us in any way. We often hear (and might even have said): βYou made me so mad.β βYou hurt my feelings.β βYou made me ____ (fill in the blank).β In realityβ¦theyβre the stimuli - and how we react to that stimulus is ultimately up to us. As in any scientific experiment, the stimulus is different from the reaction. Different forces. Different entities. And so it is here. Our reaction is and should be separate from what stimulated it.
You mightβve heard the quote by US First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, βNo one can make you feel inferior without your consent.β To give more context to this, Eleanor was responding to reportersβ questions regarding an awkward event in 1935. The Secretary of Labor in the Roosevelt administration was invited to speak at the University of California, Berkeley on the Charter Day of the school. The customary host of the event was unhappy because she felt the chosen speaker should not have been a political figure. She refused to serve as host, and several newspaper commentators deemed her action as a rebuff and an insult. Eleanor was asked at a White House press conference whether the Secretary had been snubbed. βA snubβ defined the first lady, βis the effort of a person who feels superior to make someone else feel inferior. To do so, he has to find someone who can be made to feel inferior.β
Another analogy that comes to mind for me is the stimulus (the word/action) is the seed and we are the soil. Whether that soil is fertile (for offense, reactivity, etc) or infertile (repellant to offense) is up to us. And there are quite a few contributing factors to our soilβs fertility, or lack thereof. A reaction is not predetermined and is not automatic. There is space between the stimulus and the reaction. Within that space, power is transferred from the stimulator to the receptor. In the space, we as the receiver get to determine (however consciously and intentionally is up to us) our response.
Hereβs where it gets tricky: sometimes that response is hijacked by our subconscious. Our fears and insecurities override our logic, our reasoning, our values, our best intentions. Perhaps our unhealed trauma wounds are triggered, and those are POWERFUL, especially if incurred during our formative years in childhood. We largely and often canβt control if/when we experience trauma, to whatever degree it is. I am in no way victim blaming here - ABSOLUTELY NOT. But for us to extricate ourselves from its chains that strive to control our lives - we must first recognize, and then own it. And this comes through shadow work. Through introspection. Through facing ourselves. Through digging in and getting honest. This process is typically helped by professionals, and trusted loved ones (especially if the trauma is significant). They can illuminate our blind spots, maintain objectivity, and maintain necessary and beneficial objective distance. Even with their help, though, weβre still responsible for doing the work.
As youβve likely figured out by now, what happens in our formative years affects us today. One of the best ways to get to know someone is to ask them about their childhood. I personally had a fantastic childhood with wonderful, loving, involved parents. However, like virtually everybody else, I still have my stuff. I still have triggers and hangups Iβve had to work through. Itβs not always necessarily a reflection of the efficacy and love of your caregivers. None of us make it through life without some wounds. Sometimes, theyβre just surface scratches, merely getting our brief attention. Sometimes, theyβre bone deep, and if we donβt properly treat them, they worsen and become infected, and that infection spreads, affecting whatβs nearby.
For me personally, I would often feel unseen and unheard. As part of this, I also outsourced my validation, and was very reactive. Reactivity is a sign of poor self-emotional regulation. If our moods and our actions and our words depend upon people/situations outside of us, weβve ceded our power. Weβve ceded our calm and our happiness. Weβve ceded our stability. Only when we can practice that pause, to grant us space between what happened, and how we will handle what happened, will we be empowered. When we respond, rather than react, we feel better and do better. Part of this is recognizing the separation of the stimuli, our thoughts, and our actual core self. If we maintain this distance, we can ascertain when our fears are trying to hijack, when our insecurities are trying to cloud. Otherwise, weβre tossed around by the ever-changing winds, at the mercy of situations and people.
I can tell you from personal experience what a freeing feeling it is to reclaim your power and maintain that calm in the storm. It feels better for you, it feels better for others. Our actions have ripple effects. We donβt live in a vacuum. So you can imagine the compound effect of reactives interacting with other reactives. No wonder we have the division and discord in our world: in relationships, in communities, in business, in politics, in friendships, in religion. We can be powerful catalysts for change, on a micro and macro level, simply by learning to regulate our emotions. Defusing situations by remaining grounded and aware.
Self awareness is key, and not everyone is fully self aware. Weβre all at different parts of our journey, to put it euphemistically. In a recent relationship, I saw firsthand - from the other side - how destructive poor emotional self-regulation can be.
A little bit of a back story. Codependency can manifest in various ways. I was codependent in the sense I was a βfixerβ and derived my sense of value and worth from fixing, from accommodating, and from caretaking. This is good to an extent, but not in excess, and not to the point of self abandonment. Neither wins when only one set of needs/wants is being met. In a way, I was using that βfixingβ and self-denying to regulate my emotions: to feel needed, to feel valuable, to feel desirable, to feel in control, to feel indispensable.
On the other side was my boyfriend, who was codependent in the sense he wholly depended upon externalities to determine his mood, sense of self worth, and identity. I know why he was the way he was (family dynamics in the formative years for the win). I empathize and feel for him. Even so, it was tough to experience. For BOTH of us. Frustration abounded on both sides.
On my side, Iβd feel enormous pressure to accommodate his insatiable need for validation. A simple compliment wasnβt enough. Nope. Each one needed to be multi-sentenced, deep, fresh, nuanced, and heavy-hitting. Every single one. Multiply this by 15 or so - A DAY. It was exhausting - which is ironic, because genuine, heartfelt, customized acknowledgements and compliments are my thing. But this just felt forced, and pressured, and required. Donβt get me wrong, he gave what he expected. He could be the king of compliments. But it all felt so heavy. For someone who loves swimming in the depths, pretty soon I was gasping for air.
If we didnβt have the exact same opinion, heβd take it as a personal attack. A condemnation of his taste, his character, his judgment. He wouldnβt directly communicate this - because he needed external harmony for his internal peace. So nothing ever truly got resolved. Heβd say one thing and mean another. Not because he was trying to deceive or lie or put one over on me. He was trying to fulfill his idea of what a perfect boyfriend, a perfect son, a perfect citizen, and a perfect employee would do/say, whether or not that reflected his truth. He NEEDED people to view him a certain way because he needed their approval for his own. Their validation of him translated to his validation of him. He didnβt dare to let his true feelings and self show, for fear those would be judged, condemned, discounted, dismissed, and found lacking. (I think many of us can relate to that - humans have worn masks long before COVID-19.) Therefore, he wasnβt truly expressing himself. We could never truly connect, because connection requires authenticity.
He had an internal script he needed the world and its people to follow for him to maintain peace and happiness. As a fellow world dweller, Iβm sure you know by now, the world obeys NO script. If we have a script, it laughs and flips the middle finger. Life happens. And people have agency and their own wants/needs/fears/problems/objectives. Weβre all just muddling around together. Sometimes those factors align, and often they clash. Cβest la vie. We canβt control others - only ourselves. And that right there underscores the importance of learning how to regulate ourselves, and not cede this power to others.
Though he never communicated the content of his script, Iβd sense it. And just like I loathe others telling me what to do, this was no different. Not a recipe for romantic bliss. I felt exhausted and resentful for all he required of me, and he felt unfulfilled and unsupported. My resentment would grow, and his frustration would increase. I remember one particular argument wherein he criticized me for βmakingβ him feel and react a certain way. I pushed back, cited Eleanor Roosevelt, and asserted no one can βmakeβ us feel anything - our response is up to us. He clearly let me know he did not agree.
As with anything else, this is nuanced. Itβs not as easy as just emotionally distancing ourselves from anyone or anything with which we interact. Thereβs actual value in being affected by situations and people. Itβs an integral part of empathy, and connection, and progress. Feeling inspired by a friendβs win, feeling gutted by a community tragedy, feeling uplifted by a strangerβs remark.
What weβre talking about here is the RESPONSE, not the initial reaction - both internally and externally. Knowing our worth doesnβt fluctuate - itβs constant and itβs real - whether or not you/others see it at any given time. It doesnβt depend on what you do, what you say, what you believe, what you achieve, what you look like.
Really, any time weβre triggered, fear is the underlying emotion. Fear of physical/emotional pain. Fear of not having enough to meet our physical/emotional needs (prompting a scarcity mindset). Fear of the unknown and how it could affect our current wellbeing (nurturing xenophobia). Fear of being deemed inadequate (causing shame).
So letβs think about shame. Shame is what happens when we view ourselves through othersβ eyes. What if you removed that filter? What if instead you asked yourself - and only yourself - if youβre okay with that action/characteristic/thought? If it/they align with your values, or if they contribute to the kind of person you want to be, or if they harm others? If your opinion was the only one that mattered, are you okay with the person you are? With what youβve done and how you did it? With what you do and how you do it? With who you are? When you think of your ideal self, is that conceived by you or others? Are you able to separate othersβ views/expectations from your own?
Itβs not your job to like me. It is my job to like me. And vice versa. Youβre not obligated to like me, and Iβm not obligated to try to get you to like me. And vice versa. Itβs not your job to scale my walls to give me love. Itβs my job to open myself up to receive love (all kinds of love: familial/romantic/platonic). And vice versa. This opening to allow love comes from shadow work, self reflection, self awareness, self development, self acceptance, and self love. All inside jobs.
People can be fickle and mercurial. They can be blinded by their own fears/insecurities/distractions. They have their own stresses and worries. They can get hung up on certain surface characteristics, certain defensive mannerisms, certain societal detractors, certain psychological disruptors (in themselves/others). We donβt always clearly see others (because we often donβt clearly see ourselves!). Many are simply reacting, rather than responding. And then others react to those reactions, and so on. Dominoes action. Chaos, right?
But we can do our part to mitigate and lessen that chaos - by taking responsibility and being accountable for ourselves, and our responses.
Two concepts that changed my life are: impermanence and subjectivity. Before, if I got rejected for a team, or an opportunity, or a _______ (personally/professionally), Iβd accept and internalize defeat. View that βrulingβ as final and binding. Not anymore.
Now I accept βdefeat,β sure - but I keep it contained and in its appropriate context. I donβt view it as an attack on my worth, identity, or ability. I accept it and move on - either in further pursuit of that same objective (if thatβs what I truly want) or another (if I choose to redirect). I use the feedback to adjust and improve if necessary.
I also recognize itβs all subjective: othersβ personal/professional opinions of me. No matter how accomplished or experienced or cool they are. Humans can do miraculous feats (learn new skills, master existing skills, etc) when properly motivated. We all have so much power and potential - independent of othersβ opinions. Anotherβs recognition of this and acceptance of us doesnβt diminish this.
Letβs not outsource our acceptance, our validation, and our happiness.
And sometimes others will hold us accountable, as they should. This can be uncomfortable at best, and infuriating at worst, especially when it comes to our unconscious biases, especially regarding racism and sexism. We all have blind spots. We all have biases - theyβre a cognitive requirement of being human. But rather than getting triggered, letβs filter those accountability call outs through that pause between stimulus and response. Letβs examine if and why it resonates with us. Letβs examine if and why it angers us. Letβs examine if and why it saddens us. Letβs analyze it as objectively as we can (weβll never achieve full objectivity, but shooting high helps elevate our landing spot).
And while weβre at it, this is a solid and key practice for every other situation in life. If we find weβre triggered by someone/something, itβs incumbent upon us to delve in and identify why, instead of offloading onto the offender and others to regulate our emotions and to adjust to our βscriptβ (sound familiar?). If we donβt want others to do that to us, why would we expect them to allow us to do it to them? For example, if we see a scantily-clad woman feeling herself and posting a selfie, and we feel disgust - that has NOTHING to do with that woman or her actions, and everything to do with our response to it. Whatβs driving our disgust? Envy of her confidence and audacity to shatter the shackles of society and its [fickle] beauty/decorum standards? Envious because we ourselves donβt dare to do so? Insecurity with our own body? Moral indignation she is dressing immodestly and not respecting our belief system?
This doesnβt mean we accept responsibility and blame for everything that happens. Not at all. It simply means we can only control ourselves, and for our own health, wellbeing, stability, and happiness, we have to take ownership of ourselves. This is so we can lessen our reactivity and triggers. And this doesnβt mean we must always remain stoic and reserved and nice. NOPE. Weβre humans. And sometimes strong situations call for strong responses.
And you may have heard me speak repeatedly on the importance of boundaries. They are PARAMOUNT to our individual and collective health, wellbeing, and success. IMPERATIVE, yβall. They allow us to set boundaries without being consumed and leveled by guilt and people-pleasing instincts (thereby saving our precious bandwidth for what truly counts and preventing suffocating resentment when weβre maxed out and not acknowledged by those weβre pleasing). They also allow us to respect when others set boundaries with us (because none of us are perfect, remember? Nor omniscient). Boundaries are for our individual and collective good. They allow us to reserve our time and energy for what we need to focus on, thereby helping us be more compassionate, less depleted, more fulfilled, and more effective.
The Internet has a wellspring of self-regulation options and guidance. Here are a few tips:
Acceptance and curiosity. First step, accept. ALL of our emotions are messengers, conveying valuable info we can use to improve our understanding of ourselves, the situation, and possible solutions. And by staying curious, this eases the weight of the feeling(s). It infuses it with wonder, which makes it more enjoyable, and motivates us to explore further (thereby hopefully preventing - or at least reducing - future occurrences). It also shifts the focus from problem to possibilities, from misery to musing, from suffering to solution.
Regulation over repression. Like we said before, what we resist, persists. Repression just kicks the ball down the road, and facilitates festering.
Identify your feelings. As Daniel Goleman, PhD and two-time Pulitzer Prize-nominated author and science journalist advises, recognizing and naming your emotion arrests the progress of the βnegativeβ feelings. When you feel yourself getting angry, simply saying, βIβm getting upsetβ shifts the energy from your emotional center to your verbal cortex. BOOM. Life hack.
Keep a mood journal. This will help with venting, with recognizing triggers and patterns, and with illuminating blind spots.
Seek insight from a professional or trusted loved one. Therapy is a yes for EVERYONE - whether you feel you need it or not. They can listen objectively, provide perspectives to consider, and give guidance on effectively reframing and navigating it all. But if youβre not jazzed about that - for personal or financial reasons - a trusted individual can also offer valuable feedback on aspects about yourself/situation, and illuminate blind spots.
Allow yourself space - literally and figuratively. This is important. Sometimes situations demand immediate attention/action - in which case deep breathing is key - but otherwise, time and space to collect your thoughts and connect to yourself can make all the difference, both in how you feel and how you respond.
Breathe. Breathing is shockingly simple yet astoundingly effective. Whether you want it to or not, breathing deeply activates your parasympathetic nervous system. This signals your brain to tell the anxious part you're safe and don't need to fight, flee, or freeze. Deep breathing gets more oxygen to the thinking brain, so youβre able to respond more effectively and feel better doing it. There are various methods: box breathing (eg inhale 5 seconds-hold 5-exhale 5-hold 5 and repeat); inhale 4 seconds-hold 7-exhale 8 and repeat; and simply exhaling longer than you inhale - for as many rounds as any of these take to feel more relaxed.
In summary:
Itβs up to us to regulate our emotions. Itβs not on others to make us feel happy, or soothed, or comforted, or calm. Others donβt make us mad, or sad, or frustrated.
Thatβs on us. They supply the stimulus, we provide the response.
Sometimes those are knee-jerk reactions. Sometimes mental health issues/trauma/patterned thinking and behavior/fear/stress/insecurities drive those reactions.
Sometimes we can override them.
Thatβs why self awareness is crucial to empower us to respond, not just react.
Fragility is when weβre owned by the stimulus.
Like Viktor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor says: βBetween stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.β
Addiction Series
The latest installment of The Nativistβs addiction series is a gut punch.
My incredible friend Jessie Enander shares the heartbreaking - and tragically relevant - story of how painkillers destroyed her best friendβs life.
Jessie talks about how her friend, a stay-at-home mother, fell prey to the horrors of addiction. Jessie describes the addictionβs progression and symptoms, and how terrifyingly easy it is to obtain and get hooked on heavy pain pills.
Jessie candidly tells us her reactions and emotions throughout the experience. She emphasizes the importance of compassion and recognizing the person beneath the addiction. She identifies what she wishes she would have known then, and how she wishes she wouldβve handled it.
Itβs a moving, informative, profound, and necessary part in my ongoing effort to normalize conversations on addiction.
The resource Jessie shares is www.shatterproof.org , an invaluable resource that works to end the stigma and provide help by informing, connecting, and guiding addicts and their loved ones through addiction.
You can find Jessie on Instagram @themomhatter
Love you all,
-w-
Addiction Series Part 5: My Husband Overcame Alcoholism
Todayβs episode is moving, itβs enlightening, itβs illuminating, itβs inspiringβ¦ Itβs as remarkable as the woman who shares it: Mindy Cervantes.
Mindy candidly and compassionately shares her story of being married to someone addicted to alcohol. She takes us through how it began, how it progressed, and how it resolved. She outlines what steps she took on her end to empower and heal herself, so she could deal with the issue, and notes how those steps actually revolutionized not only her relationship with her husband, but also her relationship with herself and others. She highlights the importance of doing our own work, whether weβre the addict or weβre supporting one.
She answers the million dollar question of what was finally the catalyst for change. She spotlights the less-often discussed phase of navigating post-sobriety and its accompanying questions and considerations.
As in past episodes, we emphasize addiction touches us all, whether directly or indirectly.
The website Mindy mentions is www.loveoveraddiction.com and you can click here for the podcast.
Find and follow Mindy on Facebook @MindyCervantes and Instagram @mindy.d.cervantes
I thank you and I love you.
-w-
Addiction Series Part 4: Ally Not Enabler
Another hard-hitting and stellar conversation in my ongoing series on addiction.
Todayβs guest is Hallie Hanohano-Erickson, who shares her perspective of a loved one watching her brother and βbrother-in-lawβ experience drug addiction.
Hallie candidly speaks on her emotional evolution, and what she did to help her process and understand the experience. Hallie highlights signs to look for, and realizations to keep in mind. Hallie remarks on how she would have responded differently, knowing what she knows now, and what sheβs learned during the journey, such as how to be an ally, not an enabler.
The podcast Hallie references is Last Day by Stephanie Wittels Wachs. The podcast I reference is Armchair Expert, particularly Episode 87 with Johann Hari from March 14, 2019 (exactly two years ago!).
Please excuse the inexplicable βswamp monsterβ sound you occasionally hear in the background. We tried identifying the cause, but no such luck. If you power through, itβs totally worth it.
Love you.
Thank you for listening and caring.
Addiction Series Part 3: My Dad Was an Alcoholic
The series on addiction continues. In this episode, my long-time amiga Nicholia speaks on addiction in general and alcoholism in particular. Not only has Nicholia specifically taught on the subject to her high school students, but she also personally experienced it in her home growing up (and into adulthood).
Nicholia shares her experience of having an alcoholic parent, and how that affected her own parenting. She describes how her motherβs approach to it was especially impactful to Nicholia, as a person and as a mother herself.
She tells us about the scary close call that finally led to her fatherβs sobriety, after doubting it would ever happen.
We discuss generational trauma and how our current habits (and addictions) impact not only us, but our posterity. We emphasize the importance of digging into the discomfort and facing your demons, to heal and prevent generational and current trauma.
Nicholia gifts us with wisdom and a gorgeous message of hope.
