L O V E yaself
Images shot by Abbey Armstrong Photography
Edited by Brooke Richardson Photography
“The only cure I have ever known for fear and doubt and loneliness is an immense love of self.”
I think I’m awesome.
Please don’t be put off by that. I want Y O U to feel the same about yourself.
And you can!
Do I think I’m awesome 100% of the time? Don’t get it twisted: I have my moments of discouragement/frustration/etc, but overall - I always LOVE myself, which is especially important during those moments of discouragement and frustration. I think I’m a rad chick.
“You owe yourself the love you so freely give to other people.”
I had to work hard to get to that point. That unconditional self love.
BUT YOU CAN TOO!
You too can create an abiding self love, independent of your moods/feelings/triggers/experiences/environments.
It requires practice and awareness. It requires facing your shadows. Feeling - not repressing - your emotions. Reserving judgment and extending grace. Being honest and not feeding yourself stories just to make yourself feel better (this only feeds the ego and creates a faux, insecure self love). It also requires a touch of tough love, and calling yourself out when necessary, to live into your potential/cease the false narrative/incorporate the discipline.
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
It’s not easy at first, but once you get a taste of true self love - YOU SEE IT’S WORTH IT. You realize how powerful, necessary, liberating, and impactful it is.
Self love is imperative. Not like, “Gee, it’d be ideal if you loved yourself, but it’s whatevs.”
Nah. IT’S NOT WHATEVS.
It’s absolutely c r u c i a l not only to your ultimate wellbeing and happiness, but also to the wellbeing and happiness of your inner circle, of your outer circle, and of the whole entire world.
I know, I know, you’re likely thinking, “Okay, dramatic much?”
But it’s true. If you want to change the world, start with yourself. The ripple effect starts with you. Happy people radiate and perpetuate bliss and good vibes. It’s all about energy, man. It’s the currency of the universe. Your energy introduces you before you even speak. Once you get right with yourself and start riding those high vibes, you’ll be amazed how it affects the space/people around you (I discuss this in my latest episode with Izzy Ramirez). That’s not just Hippie Whitney talking. That’s science. Physics. Your thoughts/actions carry energy, and people/life around you responds according to the frequency you emit.
“Be the type of energy that no matter where you go, you always add value to the spaces and lives around you.”
Don’t believe me? Think about a time you were feeling great/okay, and encountered someone in a less-than-stellar mood. Even if you manage to stay on that high vibe, you’re still affected to an extent by the negativity. And don’t even get me started with consistently toxic people.
Self love makes you happy. Happiness gives you energy, drive, stamina, compassion. (Plus, as Elle Woods rightfully noted, it fights crime and preserves marriages because “happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.”)
“Shoutout to all the people out there trying to love themselves in a world that’s constantly telling them not to.”
And ESPECIALLY if you have kids in your life, modeling self love yourself is key in developing their own. Particularly regarding body image. Society already demands they contort themselves to meet impossible and elusive ideals. Set your kids up for success and mitigate societal damage by expressing self love, especially during those impressionable younger years.
Daring to love yourself is an act of rebellion in this world. LET’S REBEL TOGETHER.
How sad is it that society has taught us to view people’s expression of self love as arrogance. Self absorption. Narcissism. When we see someone celebrate their win, or acknowledge their skill, or comment, “Hey, I look smokin’!” we tend to dismiss them is “sooo into themselves.”
SAD.
That should be our baseline. We should allow ourselves and others the space to embrace our awesomeness. Our beauty and smarts. Our talent and skill. Sure, we don’t want to get obnoxious about it and go on and on about how ahhhmaaaze we are.
There’s a distinction between self love and insecurity. When you’re solid in yourself and truly love yourself, you’re secure - and have the mental and emotional bandwidth to love and care about others. When you’re insecure, you tend to overcompensate. You feel compelled to seek validation externally. When you love yourself, you internally validate yourself.
So DECIDE RIGHT NOW to win yourself over. Commit to falling in love with yourself and watch your life absolutely TRANSFORM.
xx,
-w-
INTO the W I L D
Images by Whitney Richardson Photography'
Models: Liz Smith and Shaely Howell
“They won’t tell you fairytales
of how girls can be dangerous and still win.
They will only tell you stories
where girls are sweet and kind
and reject all sin.
I guess to them
it’s a terrifying thought,
a red riding hood
who knew exactly
what she was doing
when she invited the wild in.”
What a time to be alive. Regardless of where you fall on the feminism spectrum, it’s undeniable that women are having a moment and reclaiming their power.
We’re learning to stop apologizing for our emotions and empathy. Our nurturing and softness. Everything that makes us uniquely feminine but which is deemed “unsuitable” or “unprofessional” in the workplace. We’re challenging the double standards imposed upon us, and asserting our voice.
“good women can be wild too”
We’re also reviving our wild side. Our intensity. Our power and ferocity. Our strength and passion.
It’s not just a revolution for feminine energy. Masculinity is experiencing a significant shift as well.
With nature comes balance. Therefore every man has feminine energy, and every woman has masculine energy. Society is currently undergoing deconstruction and reconstruction of what it means to be a man or woman. Paradigms are changing. Lines are being questioned and redrawn as the framework is being renovated.
Men are humans just as much as women, and all humans experience emotions. It is unfair and destructive to deny men the social latitude for expressing their emotions.
“There is no competition among wild women. They are too damn wild to be caught in a tiny space of envy. Instead, they dance together and allow good to flow abundantly to them.”
We’re shattering notions of what is “socially acceptable” for men AND women. It’s beautiful and LONG overdue.
While listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Aubrey Marcus, I came across the following poem, which resonated deeply with me.
A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature by Alison Nappi
But can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?
Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?
Can you love me when I’m bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?
Can you love me then too?
Can you love me under the starry sky, shaved and smooth, my skin like liquid moonlight?
Can you love me when I am howling and furry, standing on my haunches, my lower lip stained with the blood of my last kill?
When I call down the lightning, when the sidewalks are singed by the soles of my feet, can you still love me then?
What happens when I freeze the land, and cause the dirt to harden over all the pomegranate seeds we’ve planted?
Will you trust that Spring will return?
Will you still believe me when I tell you I will become a raging river, and spill myself upon your dreams and call them to the surface of your life?
Can you trust me, even though you cannot tame me?
Can you love me, even though I am all that you fear and admire?
Will you fear my shifting shape?
Does it frighten you, when my eyes flash like your camera does?
Do you fear they will capture your soul?
Are you afraid to step into me?
The meat-eating plants and flowers armed with poisonous darts are not in my jungle to stop you from coming. Not you.
So do not worry. They belong to me, and I have invited you here.
Stay to the path revealed in the moonlight and arrive safely to the hut of Baba Yaga: the wild old wise one… she will not lead you astray if you are pure of heart.
You cannot be with the wild one if you fear the rumbling of the ground, the roar of a cascading river, the startling clap of thunder in the sky.
If you want to be safe, go back to your tiny room — the night sky is not for you.
If you want to be torn apart, come in. Be broken open and devoured. Be set ablaze in my fire.
I will not leave you as you have come: well dressed, in finely-threaded sweaters that keep out the cold.
I will leave you naked and biting. Leave you clawing at the sheets. Leave you surrounded by owls and hawks and flowers that only bloom when no one is watching.
So, come to me, and be healed in the unbearable lightness and darkness of all that you are.
There is nothing in you that can scare me. Nothing in you I will not use to make you great.
A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.
She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.
She will see to it that you shall rise again.
She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature.
Aubrey responds by crafting his own poem:
A wild man is not a boyfriend, he is a force
Can you love me in the blinding heat of a birthing star, when I shower warmth on distant moons?
Can you love me in the hole of the cosmic Black, where no one can reach me? Not even you?
Can you love me then too?
Can you love me when I drag buffalo skulls through the dirt for days, to the rhythm of an ancient drum?
Will you love me if my beard hides the scars in my heart, from battles I cannot explain?
WIll you love me when I lack courage, when I am defeated, when I won't let you patch my wounds?
WIll you trust me when I smell of sweetgrass and sage, and when I stink of whiskey and sweat?
When I drink from the cup and play in astral light, will you anchor me to Home?
What happens when my words don't work, and I can speak with only my eyes?
Can you love me enough to let me go, without asking me where I'll be?
I am no poodle to lay groomed on a leash at your feet. I am the wolf that fetches the bones of truth.
A wild man is not a boyfriend. He's not built for animal husbandry. He is a force. He is a cause for an effect. He is a mission.
Are you afraid to let me inside you? Not just my flesh, but my soul. The wild man is neither burglar or vandal. I will not take anything from you. I will not trample on sprouting seeds or pick flowers as a trophy. I am the sun on flooded fields and the fire for tangled webs.
Don't be scared, lover, mother, maiden, crone. Take me as I am.
Even if I have the power to destroy worlds, I will not destroy you.
A wild man is a protector. A father. A warrior for all that is good.
When the chaos seeks to obliterate you, sheering your flesh from bone, I will hold all the pieces together in love, until you are ready to reassemble.
When your seas boil, and your winds throw cars at corn fields, I will wait patiently for you to catch my eye, so that both of us can laugh.
When Hell opens up the fiery gates, and sends all the cosmos against you, I plant my heels deep in the ground. I lay my shield low. My sword is sharp then, my love. The steel sings sweetly. With a smile, Hoka Hey! My last breath a farewell kiss. Today is a good day to die.
For ours is the oldest love affair. The greatest story ever told. Cupid and Psyche, Shiva and Shakti, You and I.
Same same but different. Would we have it any other way?
A wild man is not a boyfriend. He is a force.
Regardless of your current thoughts, opinions, and identification with these writings, the main takeaway is to accept yourself (and others!) in A L L of your glory. Embrace both your light and shadows. Celebrate all of your dimensions. Don’t shrink yourself to fit society. Live your truth and shine your light, thereby blazing the trail for others.
(Podcast link: https://www.aubreymarcus.com/blogs/aubrey-marcus/the-wild-woman-and-the-wild-man-with-christine-hassler-amp-176 )
(Suggested reading: The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes)
xx,
-w-
“A woman in harmony with her Spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense...and arrives at her destination, prepared to be herself and only herself.”
