INTO the W I L D
Images by Whitney Richardson Photography'
Models: Liz Smith and Shaely Howell
“They won’t tell you fairytales
of how girls can be dangerous and still win.
They will only tell you stories
where girls are sweet and kind
and reject all sin.
I guess to them
it’s a terrifying thought,
a red riding hood
who knew exactly
what she was doing
when she invited the wild in.”
What a time to be alive. Regardless of where you fall on the feminism spectrum, it’s undeniable that women are having a moment and reclaiming their power.
We’re learning to stop apologizing for our emotions and empathy. Our nurturing and softness. Everything that makes us uniquely feminine but which is deemed “unsuitable” or “unprofessional” in the workplace. We’re challenging the double standards imposed upon us, and asserting our voice.
“good women can be wild too”
We’re also reviving our wild side. Our intensity. Our power and ferocity. Our strength and passion.
It’s not just a revolution for feminine energy. Masculinity is experiencing a significant shift as well.
With nature comes balance. Therefore every man has feminine energy, and every woman has masculine energy. Society is currently undergoing deconstruction and reconstruction of what it means to be a man or woman. Paradigms are changing. Lines are being questioned and redrawn as the framework is being renovated.
Men are humans just as much as women, and all humans experience emotions. It is unfair and destructive to deny men the social latitude for expressing their emotions.
“There is no competition among wild women. They are too damn wild to be caught in a tiny space of envy. Instead, they dance together and allow good to flow abundantly to them.”
We’re shattering notions of what is “socially acceptable” for men AND women. It’s beautiful and LONG overdue.
While listening to one of my favorite podcasters, Aubrey Marcus, I came across the following poem, which resonated deeply with me.
A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature by Alison Nappi
But can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?
Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?
Can you love me when I’m bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?
Can you love me then too?
Can you love me under the starry sky, shaved and smooth, my skin like liquid moonlight?
Can you love me when I am howling and furry, standing on my haunches, my lower lip stained with the blood of my last kill?
When I call down the lightning, when the sidewalks are singed by the soles of my feet, can you still love me then?
What happens when I freeze the land, and cause the dirt to harden over all the pomegranate seeds we’ve planted?
Will you trust that Spring will return?
Will you still believe me when I tell you I will become a raging river, and spill myself upon your dreams and call them to the surface of your life?
Can you trust me, even though you cannot tame me?
Can you love me, even though I am all that you fear and admire?
Will you fear my shifting shape?
Does it frighten you, when my eyes flash like your camera does?
Do you fear they will capture your soul?
Are you afraid to step into me?
The meat-eating plants and flowers armed with poisonous darts are not in my jungle to stop you from coming. Not you.
So do not worry. They belong to me, and I have invited you here.
Stay to the path revealed in the moonlight and arrive safely to the hut of Baba Yaga: the wild old wise one… she will not lead you astray if you are pure of heart.
You cannot be with the wild one if you fear the rumbling of the ground, the roar of a cascading river, the startling clap of thunder in the sky.
If you want to be safe, go back to your tiny room — the night sky is not for you.
If you want to be torn apart, come in. Be broken open and devoured. Be set ablaze in my fire.
I will not leave you as you have come: well dressed, in finely-threaded sweaters that keep out the cold.
I will leave you naked and biting. Leave you clawing at the sheets. Leave you surrounded by owls and hawks and flowers that only bloom when no one is watching.
So, come to me, and be healed in the unbearable lightness and darkness of all that you are.
There is nothing in you that can scare me. Nothing in you I will not use to make you great.
A wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature. She is the source of all your primal desires, and she is the wild whipping wind that uproots the poisonous corn stalks on your neatly tilled farm.
She will plant pear trees in the wake of your disaster.
She will see to it that you shall rise again.
She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature.
Aubrey responds by crafting his own poem:
A wild man is not a boyfriend, he is a force
Can you love me in the blinding heat of a birthing star, when I shower warmth on distant moons?
Can you love me in the hole of the cosmic Black, where no one can reach me? Not even you?
Can you love me then too?
Can you love me when I drag buffalo skulls through the dirt for days, to the rhythm of an ancient drum?
Will you love me if my beard hides the scars in my heart, from battles I cannot explain?
WIll you love me when I lack courage, when I am defeated, when I won't let you patch my wounds?
WIll you trust me when I smell of sweetgrass and sage, and when I stink of whiskey and sweat?
When I drink from the cup and play in astral light, will you anchor me to Home?
What happens when my words don't work, and I can speak with only my eyes?
Can you love me enough to let me go, without asking me where I'll be?
I am no poodle to lay groomed on a leash at your feet. I am the wolf that fetches the bones of truth.
A wild man is not a boyfriend. He's not built for animal husbandry. He is a force. He is a cause for an effect. He is a mission.
Are you afraid to let me inside you? Not just my flesh, but my soul. The wild man is neither burglar or vandal. I will not take anything from you. I will not trample on sprouting seeds or pick flowers as a trophy. I am the sun on flooded fields and the fire for tangled webs.
Don't be scared, lover, mother, maiden, crone. Take me as I am.
Even if I have the power to destroy worlds, I will not destroy you.
A wild man is a protector. A father. A warrior for all that is good.
When the chaos seeks to obliterate you, sheering your flesh from bone, I will hold all the pieces together in love, until you are ready to reassemble.
When your seas boil, and your winds throw cars at corn fields, I will wait patiently for you to catch my eye, so that both of us can laugh.
When Hell opens up the fiery gates, and sends all the cosmos against you, I plant my heels deep in the ground. I lay my shield low. My sword is sharp then, my love. The steel sings sweetly. With a smile, Hoka Hey! My last breath a farewell kiss. Today is a good day to die.
For ours is the oldest love affair. The greatest story ever told. Cupid and Psyche, Shiva and Shakti, You and I.
Same same but different. Would we have it any other way?
A wild man is not a boyfriend. He is a force.
Regardless of your current thoughts, opinions, and identification with these writings, the main takeaway is to accept yourself (and others!) in A L L of your glory. Embrace both your light and shadows. Celebrate all of your dimensions. Don’t shrink yourself to fit society. Live your truth and shine your light, thereby blazing the trail for others.
(Podcast link: https://www.aubreymarcus.com/blogs/aubrey-marcus/the-wild-woman-and-the-wild-man-with-christine-hassler-amp-176 )
(Suggested reading: The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes)
xx,
-w-
“A woman in harmony with her Spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense...and arrives at her destination, prepared to be herself and only herself.”
let's GET fired UP
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.”
Are you 100% motivated 100% of the time, and/or are surrounded by people who are also motivated every second of every day, to do every single thing needing to be done?
No?
AWESOME. First of all, welcome to the club of ALL HUMANS (even Beyonce!). Second of all, this post will hopefully help, instead of being a giant waste of your obnoxiously perpetually-motivated time. Love you mean it.
I consider myself a consistently motivated individual, and I know many of you are too (I’ve seen you in action!). However, there are times where I realllly gotta pep talk myself, especially when it comes to something that’s not enjoyable/easy for me to do.
Awhile ago, I read a fantastic book called Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg. Yes, I recommend it. Unless you wanna be dumber, slower, and worse. Then, you know - do ya thang. To each their own.
(PS the following words of wisdom can be applied to motivate yourself AND others. SCORE!) YOU get motivation and YOU get motivation and YOU get…you get it.
“We are motivated by the need for autonomy, mastery, and purpose.”
Per Duhigg, the first step in creating drive is offering people/yourself choices to provide a sense of autonomy and self determination. The key is to present them as decisions rather than commands.
“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.”
Furthermore, if you can link something hard to a choice you care about, it makes the task easier. For example, let’s say you reallllly don’t wanna workout, but you reallllly do wanna stay healthy for your family for years to come, so you can witness major moments and be fit enough to play with your kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews/etc. Keep reminding yourself of that whenever you feel that fire dying. And if it helps, gives yourself options: group workout vs. solo workout, cardio vs. strength, etc. Some people this helps, some people this inhibits, so know yourself and adjust accordingly. For many with minimal motivation, it’s more beneficial to show up to a workout class where an instructor tells you what to do and fellow exercisers push and keep you accountable.
PARENTAL HACK! If you can make a chore into a meaningful decision, self motivation will likely emerge. Let your kids have a say in what chores they have (you may need to assert some authority here, depending on the track that conversation takes!) and explain why they have the chores in the first place. For example, explain you’re teaching them life lessons to kick booty later in life. They’ll be so much further ahead than many whose parents coddled them and then released them into the “wild” without any self-sustaining skills. Let them know how much you value and rely on their contributions to keep the house running smoothly. Acknowledge the control and autonomy they have. Let them know how much they MATTER.
Once we start asking ourselves why, those small tasks become pieces of a larger constellation of meaningful projects, goals, and values. We start to recognize how small chores can have outsized emotional rewards because they prove to ourselves we are making meaningful choices, that we are genuinely in control of our own lives.
That’s when motivation flourishes.
Motivation is, in other words, a choice we make because it is part of something bigger and more emotionally rewarding than the immediate task requiring completion.
xx,
-w-
32 L E S S O N S
Images by Abbey Armstrong Photography
Edited by Brooke Richardson Photography
“Age is irrelevant. Ask me how many sunsets I’ve seen, hearts I’ve loved, trips I’ve taken, or concerts I’ve been to. That’s how old I am.”
Coming up on 32 trips around the sun. Thirty-freaking-two. That shit’s bananas, yo.
Absolutely W I L D.
“I’m not old. I’ve just been young for a very long time.”
I am fully committed to improving with age. Learning and evolving and polishing and refining myself in every single way - and ACCEPTING myself in the process. Loving myself through the evolution. That last part is key, yeah??
It’s about not resenting your current status/situation. Not bullying yourself through it. Not wishing it were otherwise. Just simply telling yourself, “Okay cool, this is where we are. I recognize that. I accept that. And I know I have so much more to give. So LET’S DO DIS.” Basically…”I see where I am, but I know where I’m going.” High five?! HIGH FIVE.
In honor of my 32nd birthday (or princess day, as I like to call it, because everyone should feel like royalty on their birthday) I’m sharing 32 lessons I’ve learned thus far.
Too much discipline can be as harmful as not enough.
Gratitude is THE BEST way to get back to good when you’re stressed/sad/pissed/bitter/anxious/uncertain. It’s a magical salve!
Love is an infinite resource. There is always more where that came from, so keep tapping into that resource and sprinkling that shiz everywhere.
People care more about how you make them feel than how many degrees/talents/accolades/achievements/possessions you have.
You don’t have to explain yourself.
Let your intuition reign supreme. Save yourself time and regret and don’t ignore it/silence it/intellectualize it. Especially when it comes to the next point, which is:
When it comes to relationships, someone’s potential is irrelevant if they’re not pursuing it. And as previously stated, honor your intuition.
A messy start trumps no start.
Minimalism is undervalued, in pretty much all areas of your life. This plays into the next lesson:
Quality over quantity. With clothes. With friends. With business ventures. With home decor. With exercise hours.
Your body is significantly more intelligent than you can even imagine. Don’t try to outsmart it. Which corresponds with the next few lessons:
Your biography becomes your biology. Your body reflects your stresses/traumas/life choices.
Adopt a holistic approach when healing your body.
Get on the same team as your body. Don’t try to resist/fight/shame/bully it into submission. No matter how you abuse it, it still strives to keep you alive every second of every day, with every heartbeat. Now that’s love! Recognizing its loyalty to you is a game changer. Instead of wishing for a thigh gap, express thanks for those strong quads.
Live intuitively, particularly regarding your health. Your body instinctively knows what it needs. Once you learn to tune into it, you’re set. Try not to intellectualize your fitness and nutrition. Don’t follow a certain regimen just because it’s the latest fad, or because a social media guru recommended it, or because your bestie glowed up with it, or because you want to look a certain way. Every body is different (what works for me might not work for you), and your body’s requirements fluctuate daily. So try to clean your palate (minimize the processed foods in favor of foods in their natural form), pay attention to what your body tells you after a meal/workout, and adjust accordingly. Once you vibe with your body, you’ll be blown away by its intelligence. Whether you listen or not, it’s constantly communicating what it needs for you to look and feel your best. Let it be the boss.
How you feel matters far more than how you look.
Confidence is K E Y. If you OWN it, it doesn’t matter what you look like, or how much you know, or how talented you are. And since we’re all works in progress, let confidence bridge the gap from where you are and where you want to be (with your body, your business, etc). Fake it ‘til you make it, if necessary, which leads to:
Your thoughts are mind-blowingly powerful. Like the quote says, if you knew how truly powerful your thoughts are, you’d never think a negative thought. So get on those daily affirmations: “You is kind, you is smahhht, you is impohhhtant.”
Nature is the best therapy. Instant energy re-charger and soul restorer.
Energy rules the universe. It all comes down to energy. This isn’t hippie talk, y’all. Don’t believe me?! Even Albert Einstein says so: “Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”
Your biggest act of kindness to the world is getting right with yourself. When you’re at peace and solid in who you are, it’s a ripple effect: you radiate love and acceptance. And this world desperately needs more love and acceptance.
It’s always worth an ask. Whether you’re asking for a date, a promotion, or an extra side of hot sauce - you’d be amazed what you can get if you just dare to ask.
Save yourself time and sanity and don’t try to do it all (STILL learning this). Your time and energy are worth money and are finite resources. Know when it’s worth it to DIY, and when it’s better to outsource. This plays into:
Stop the glorification of busy. Stop considering an impossibly-packed schedule a badge of honor. The truly successful people know how to best invest their time and energy to maximize their strengths and yield the greatest results. They also understand:
Re-charging and reflection are essential, for your productivity, sanity, health, and creativity. Inspiration usually strikes not when you’re actively/aggressively luring it, but when you’re taking a breather.
Normalcy is an illusion. Everyone is “weird” so own your weirdness. Your uniqueness is your superpower.
Feel your emotions, don’t repress them. What you resist, persists. If you ignore/deny/shove them down, they’ll just fester and pop up eventually - in magnified form. The trick is to feel them and let them move through your body without wallowing. Emotions are emotions - they’re not good, they’re not bad. They just…are.
You can appreciate others’ beauty without diminishing your own.
There are multiple types of intelligence; don’t judge your intelligence or others’ by one definition. Some people are masterful musicians (sound smart), or brilliant logisticians/mathematicians (number/reasoning smart), or natural athletes (bodily-kinesthetic smart), or gifted linguists (word smart), or…the list goes on. So the next time you feel tempted to judge someone for mistaking you/you’re, consider how you’d feel if someone assessed your intelligence solely on your calculus skillz. Appreciate and play to your strengths, and honor and acknowledge others’.
Everybody has a story to tell. Stay interested in others.
You never know what life has in store. Do your best to enjoy the ride. Celebrate the highs. Cherish the “minor” moments. Appreciate the tough times for the lessons they teach and the strength they impart. Stay jazzed on life and never ever become numb to its beauty.
Balance is the key to life.
Let’s never stop learning.
xx,
-w-
“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
big T I M E
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is, you’re the pilot.”
Ever feel like there should be 14 more hours in a day? Like you can’t possibly accomplish all of the items on your want-to-do/need-to-do lists?
Because SAMESIES.
“I realized this week that I just cannot do it all. So I choose to do what I can fabulously.”
First of all: Let’s accept the fact we will never ever accomplish everything. There will always be un-checked boxes on our want-to-do and your need-to-do lists. Let’s let ourselves off the hook right now and breathe a giant collective sigh of relief. It is what it is and we can do what we can do. You with me?
Awesome. High five. Moving on.
“People often complain about lack of time, when the lack of direction is the problem.”
Knowing that, here are some tricks to stretch your days to get more mileage out of your time.
Have a list at the ready (handwritten or recorded on a device, eg phone) of things you want to do/need to do/love to do, so when you get bursts of free time, you don’t waste them away by defaulting to scrolling through social media or zoning out to the TV (never happens, right? RIIIIIIIGHT).
Have items on hand:
Examples:
Art supplies
Enticing book
Yoga mat
Workout clothes
Macro over micro: View time in 168-hour segments versus 24-hour segments.
Shift your mentality from the need to squeeze things into a 24-hour day, and think about spreading it over a week. Provides a little more breathing room and makes it feel more manageable, right?
Ensure “me” to recharge your batteries, if only for 5 minutes. In a locked bathroom. While ignoring “life” outside the door.
This will actually boost productivity and help you stay friggin’ sane.
Remember: It’s not about time management. It’s about SELF management.
And think about this: Maybe if you accomplish everything you set out to do, YOU’RE NOT CHALLENGING YOURSELF ENOUGH!
xx,
-w-
“Stop managing your time. Start managing your focus.”
where Y O U are
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”
It can be all too easy to wish life away. To focus on what you’re lacking/wanting rather than on what you already have.
“Once I earn my degree, life will be easier and I can breathe a sigh of relief.”
“My life would be so much more meaningful if I had children.”
“My life can really start once I’m married/have a life partner.”
“When my finances are solid, then I can catch my breath and enjoy life.”
How about enjoying life on the way to those goals? How about focusing on what you do have instead of what you don’t? How about celebrating your current situation?
“If all you did was just look for things to appreciate, you would live a joyous, spectacular life.”
This seems to blow some people’s minds when I tell them, but I can genuinely say I have never minded being single. I have never been the girl who needs to be in a relationship. I would much rather do my own thing than be with someone I’m not 100% into. Yes, a major part of that is I’m independent AF, but I’m also perfectly happy in a relationship.
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
The trick is I focus on the benefits of each status.
For example, the bonuses of flying solo are:
Crushing hard on that tall beautiful stranger at the gym
Considering your options
Flirting shamelessly (with other single guys!)
Receiving those cute initial texts
Creating nicknames with your friends
Going on a first date and wondering where it’ll lead
Being selfish with your time and covers ;)
And on the other hand, the upsides to a committed relationship are:
“Fun stuff” (yep, that fun stuff)
Cuddling
Someone to share life with (to include but not limited to: major moments, inside jokes, challenges, adventures)
Instant “plus one” to weddings
Someone to dress up with on Halloween (we all know this is the real winner and should be at the top of the list)
Someone to SPOIL
Having “your person”
“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
Same concept applies to other situations! For example, I can’t wait to have littles of my own someday, but until then, I’m soaking up the advantages of a current childless existence. For example, every time I take a nap whenever the hell I want, or sleep in, or take off on a spontaneous getaway, I think, “Couldn’t do this [easily] if I were a mama!” On the flip side, I can’t imagine the love you parents experience for your little ones, and the special moments you share.
The takeaway here is just being grateful for wherever you are in life, while working toward what you want.
Don’t settle! Don’t force anything! Don’t rush anything! Don’t wish your life away!
Sure, you may have moments where you feel less than awesome and just REALLY FRIGGIN’ WANT THAT promotion/degree/ring/bambino but if you spend the majority of your time focusing on the positives, then you’re golden.
xx,
-w-
;
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
Suicide. What a heavy topic. Heavy but utterly N E C E S S A R Y to discuss.
This is becoming increasingly so, as we lose more and more beautiful souls to this tragic end.
A note about suicide, depression, and mental health in general: mental health is non-discriminatory and its prey comes from all walks of life. Just because you’re of a certain socioeconomic status, or have a specific number of friends, does not mean one is immune.
And it’s important to recognize and remember the role mental illness plays. It is said how selfish it is to take one’s life, considering the wake of devastation it leaves for the survivors. I can understand how some may feel like this - having someone take their own life is deeply heartbreaking - but think how desperate and hopeless that person must have felt to be driven to such an action?
I’m sure most - if not all - of us have been touched by suicide at some point in our lives, some of us multiple times, via a relative/friend/acquaintance/idol/etc. Hearing the news of an occurrence has a way of robbing your breath and halting you in your tracks. You immediately contemplate warning signs and contributing factors. You wonder how it could have been prevented and (depending on your relation to the victim) if there’s something you could have done.
That last part can be particularly brutal, depending on your closeness to the victim, literally/figuratively. Often, no matter how close you were, your mind feasts on what ifs. "What if I had reached out more often?” “What if I had been more patient?” “What if I had been more observant?” “What if I had been more generous with my time?” “What if I had been more empathetic/understanding?” And on and on and ON. Down the rabbit hole you go. Gnarly stuff.
I remember one person whose suicide I really took personally was of a guy who had expressed interest in dating me. He was unbelievably sweet and such a great guy, but there was no interest on my part, unfortunately. I did my best to break this as gently as possible, and then limited my contact with him so as not to lead him on. I was unable to emotionally provide what he wanted: a romantic relationship. The feelings just weren’t there for me.
As is common with tragedy, my memory blocked the details, but I vaguely recall suddenly thinking of him, whether through a dream or just a passing thought. It turns out, at the time he was crossing my mind, he was also taking his life.
I was shattered. I was wrecked with such a profound sense of guilt for not being there for him. Did I truly handle it the best way possible? Did my actions drive his loneliness over the edge, to the point he saw no use in living? Should I have been there more for him? What could I have done to prevent it? How selfish and awful am I?!!
Eventually I realized there are multiple contributing factors. Carrying that entire burden and regarding myself as the sole cause of his suicide was, in reality, self-absorbed. I was not the center of his universe, and I alone did not cause the outcome. Who knows what effect our interactions had on him, but I had to accept I did the best I could under the circumstances.
That sense of guilt and pressure lingered far after that event. Whether it was a friend, a boyfriend, or someone I was trying to help (especially if that someone wanted to leave the friend zone) it was considerably hard for me to draw those boundary lines (specifically if I knew they weren’t in the best headspace). Even if I effectively did set the boundaries, it resulted in countless nightmares and sleepless nights, with me worrying about them and stressing over their wellbeing.
I’m not sharing this to evoke a pity response. Not even. I tell my story to: 1) demonstrate suicide’s ripple effect; 2) relate to those of you with similar situations; 3) alleviate the burden you may place on yourself; and 4) raise awareness and provoke conversations on this crucial topic.
Some of you may relate to the yearning to help “heal” people. This is a beautiful intention and calling, but boundaries are essential. As I discussed in my 09.15.2018 post on boundaries, they are essential for true compassion (watch for an upcoming post on empathy).
“Be kind, for you know not of the battles people face.”
All we can do is our best. Our best to be kind to one another, to be considerate of each other, and to be there for one another. We must do our best to watch for red flags, and to regularly check in with loved ones. We all deal with our own daily thoughts/ideas/responsibilities whirling around in our heads, so this is a reminder for us all to step outside of our mental/emotional bubbles and stay keyed in to those around us: friends/relatives/acquaintances…even strangers. Just letting someone know you care is significant. A simple smile to a stranger can have a profound effect. Just acknowledging to people that you S E E them can make all the difference.
“Please, tell me.
I cannot help you fight the enemy
If you do not tell me about the enemy,
The enemy that is trying to kill you.
Do not trust your suicidal thoughts.
They are not rational.
They are a symptom, a sign, a cry from inside.
Something inside you needs healing.
Healing, not killing.”
Read full version of Letter from a Therapist to a Suicidal Person at:
http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2014/05/01/letter/
RESOURCES
24/7 suicide hotline
Text GO to 741741 to speak with a trained crisis counselor
Call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
Also online chat option
Veterans Crisis Line
Call 1-800-273-8255 (same number)
Also online chat option
Text 838255