PERSONAL * E V O L U T I O N
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“You are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say “no more” until you choose change.
If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what lies outside the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need. Choose to evolve. Choose love.”
A friend asked me the other day if I've always been the way I am. (generally speaking). My response was no, I haven't been. Sure, I've always been independent and driven and disciplined. I've always been creative, I've always loved reading, and I've always adored fashion.
But I've definitely evolved.
Though I've always had a fire and open mind, I've learned to soften one and strengthen the other. (You should've met me when I was a walking paradox of a kid: extremely polite and sweet, yet a total and complete spitfire!) I learned to tame the fire (not extinguish - gotta have some!!!) but not be so hard on myself and others. I polished the rough edges, so to speak.
I learned to channel that fire more constructively. I learned to allow myself and others more grace, and realized all you can do is your best. In the words of the legendary Tony Horton, "Do your best and forget the rest." I learned to catch my breath every once in awhile, to celebrate victories and high five myself and others.
A key element to lasting happiness and success is our capacity to evolve. To not only recognize our areas for growth, but to act on them. It's not enough to just acknowledge where you could use some work. You must actually step up and do something about it. It's seductively easy to just cop out by saying, "That's just the way I am." Don't confuse self indulgence with self acceptance. You're doing yourself - and others - a disservice by robbing the world of your potential. Not only that, you're preventing your level-up and all the bliss and amplified success that brings!
To clarify: You should absolutely accept yourself where you are. You must love - not hate - yourself to improvement and happiness. It's much easier and more enduring and effective this way, TRUST ME.
But please don't just fall back on a mistaken "self acceptance" crutch. "I have a bad temper - that's just the way I am." "I'm a jealous person because of XYZ." "I lash out when I'm stressed." "I'm pessimistic - I've always been that way." First of all, snaps for acknowledging that. Second of all...whatchu gonna do about it??? In the nicest way possible, so what?! Why are you not doing something about it? What's keeping you from working on it? It's not about the hand you're dealt (we all have crappy cards in our stack - some more than others) it's how you play it.
As I discussed in an earlier post, we all have shadow sides. All of us have aspects about ourselves we and others may find less than desirable. What sets the truly happy and successful people apart from the unhappy and struggling people is simply the shadow work. Being willing and able to be honest with yourself and not let yourself off the hook. Being gentle and honest with yourself is a fantastic start, but it doesn't stop there. Why not take yourself as far as you can go?!
One of the attributes I like most about myself is my inclination to not only recognize my flaws, but to strive to eliminate/strengthen them. Very rarely do I have bad days or lasting bad moods, and I attribute this to my commitment to my personal evolution. I dig deeply to uncover why I have the struggles I do. I determine cause and effect, and reflect on ways I can mitigate/improve/eliminate these struggles.
“In every moment ask yourself: ‘What is the lesson being offered to me?’”
In the past, I was less than nice to myself during this process. My inner voice could be pretty scathing. What helped me transform it into an enjoyable (no, really!) process was to re-frame it! I simply accepted I'm a perpetual work in progress, so I might as well have fun on the ride. I praise my commitment to be my best self, and express gratitude for opportunities (disguised as frustrations/"failures"/annoyances) which highlight areas needing attention and allow me to become better. It's not always fun - there are discouraging moments, sure - but overall, knowing that I've come a long way excites, reassures, and invigorates me. I get pumped knowing my efforts are helping me become even better, happier, and more successful. They're allowing me to become my best me.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
This doesn't mean I totally condemn the Whitney of the past. I know she was doing her best with what she had. We all have to start somewhere, and we don't all have the same struggles. What's easy for you may challenge me, and vice versa, so don't get all judgy with yourself or others. All that matters is you're moving forward.
Happy evolving!
xx,
-w-
SHOW m e THE m o n e y
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
I think most of us can agree most of life's joy comes from enjoying the simple pleasures. A daily latte. A night out with friends. A massage.
Another truth is that successful adulting requires money management. Even if you're loaded, though you may have more breathing room, you still have to spend wisely to STAY loaded.
“The goal isn’t more money. The goal is living life on your own terms.”
So what about when finances are a little tight? Does that mean you have to miss out on those "treats" that bring you so much happiness?
NO!
All you need is a simple mentality shift. Instead of thinking of ways to cut expenses, find ways to make more money. In other words, start some side hustles! Think of your current hobbies/skills you can leverage to bring in some more moolah. For example, maybe you could start tutoring math, or teaching piano. Maybe you could sew on the side (seamstresses are always needed!).
I have a few side hustles: photography, styling (events/photo shoots/etc), ghost writing/editing, fitness teaching, designing and selling t-shirts. I also own an online clothing boutique. I genuinely dig doing all of these things.
“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”
It's easy to think, "Oh, I'll just save money by couponing/DIYing/etc." Remember: Your time is worth money! You must consider the opportunity cost of time. Your time spent shopping for better deals/price comparing/cutting coupons may be better spent on a side hustle. Unless the "cutting back" measures really jazz you up (hello, extreme couponers!), then you're better off (financially and emotionally) spending your time making money off of what you're naturally good at and like doing anyway. So think of that the next time you're elbows deep in advertisements, searching for that $0.50 off toothpaste, or driving all over town to save a dollar or two on TP. Your gas, time, and sanity are worth more than that. Also: Ask the store you're currently patronizing if they'll price match. More often than not they will, and you just saved yourself a trip!
Those simple luxuries (note: simple - you'd have to do a lotttt of side hustling to fund a Gucci shopping habit) are part of what make life enjoyable! It's so fun to having small things to look forward to every day/week. You don't have to deprive yourself of those!
“ If you make financial decisions with immaturity, you will be broke your whole life.”
Part of this strategy is keeping our structural expenses (housing, cars) low as a percentage of your regular income, so you don't have to worry about trivial expenses like lash fills, even as you're still putting money away. Although you can boost your cash flow with a side gig or two, you still need to be fiscally responsible and realistic. Don't go living above your means. If you don't have the money, don't spend it!!!!! It's as easy as that. That principle alone can save you a lot of debt and heartache, yet still somehow eludes soooo many people. When making a purchase consider the opportunity cost: What else could you buy with that money?
“Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.”
Consider this: If you need to save more, and earning more isn't an option, cutting out those dinners, movies, and weekend trips require frequent doses of self discipline; whereas buying a less expensive house or vehicle requires only one or two episodes of self discipline. After that, you're good for years!
A great (fun!) read I recommend on the philosophy of money management is All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending by Laura Vanderkam. It's not your typical financial self-help book. According to her, the key is to change your perspective. Instead of viewing money as a scarcity, consider it a tool to creatively build a better life for yourself and your loved ones. She offers a contrarian approach to examine our own beliefs, goals, and values. It'll cause you to think deeply on how to allocate your money to bring you true fulfillment.
xx,
-w-
B O D Y as B O S S
“What’s my goal weight? I don’t have one. I will not be defined by a number. My journey is about feeling strong, confident, and healthy. ”
I've had some people reach out lately mentioning they've noticed a change in my physique, and demanding to know my current regimen. First of all, thank you. I appreciate the good vibes.
Secondly, the honest answer is: living intuitively. Practicing what I preach. Letting my body call the shots.
“Fall in love with taking care of your body.”
What I mean by that is, I listen to my body and act accordingly. I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. My appetite has always ebbed and flowed, so I've made a conscious effort to honor the fluctuations. Sometimes I want to eat everything in sight, sometimes I could go all day long with only one snack in my system.
“When you ditch the diet mentality and allow yourself to eat what your body wants, and there are no “good foods” or “bad foods” it acts like reverse psychology: now that you can have it, you don’t really want it.
Same with exercise - let your body move how it feels like moving, not in the way that will burn the most calories. Don’t let the anticipated calorie burn dictate what workout you do.”
When I do eat, I eat what my body craves: fruit and veggies. No, really. I really and truly have always loved fruits and veggies. That's just my palate, man. Some people naturally have a six pack. Some people can belt it like Beyonce. We all have our blessings, and mine is I naturally love to eat like a bunny. If your eyes are rolling into the back of your head right now, I get it. But trust me, there are ways to make nutritious food taste good to even the strongest veggie-averse taste buds. So who knows, maybe one day you'll drink the carrot juice (I'd say Kool-Aid but that's kind of the OPPOSITE of nutritious, ya feel?!). If you follow me on Instagram, I share some of my favorite concoctions and recipes. Give them a try!
“Focus on your health, not your weight.”
And although I truly love the taste of fruits and veggies, I love more how they make me FEEL. That's a major motivator for me. And for the particularly open minded, I recommend following Medical Medium (@medicalmedium on Instagram). It's been a life changer for me. He's alllll 'bout dem fruits and veggies - especially fruit - and explains what various kinds do for your body. I strongly strongly suggest checking him out if you have any persistent illness/condition - everything from insomnia to rosacea to asthma to acne to aches to...ANYTHING. If you don't feel 100%, he will get you there. Though I have yet to follow his full detox protocol (basically pounding a smoothie every day with certain superfood ingredients) I do drink fresh celery juice every morning. I'll do a post on this later.
“Eating well is a form of self respect.”
I also let my body dictate what movement I get in. That means I've been working out less than EVER, and when I do - I check in with my body to see what I feel like doing. Some days I feel like working legs, so I'll hit those. Some days, I feel like I need a good cardio HIIT sesh. Others, I just want to focus on upper body. And many days - the most I get in is a simple walk. THAT'S IT. If i'm feeling exhausted, then I let my body recover. I'm now living in an alternate universe where my self-admitted workout-hating sister works out more often and consistently than I do. Whaaaaat?! Never saw that one coming!
Fitness has been a focus of mine for as long as I can remember. What that means is...I have to be careful about not stagnating - mentally or physically! What I've found that helps is I'll set an interval timer on my phone (I use the app Interval Timer) for about 25 mins and do various moves for a minute each. For fresh moves, I follow and bookmark workouts on Instagram from @alexia_clark, @sandyrxfit, @taralynemerson, etc. I try to share fitness inspo accounts every Friday on my Instgram stories, so if you're needing some inspiration, I got your back!
The most consistent workout I do is Pound, which I teach at Gold's Gym every Tuesday at 5:30 PM. If you've never done it, it's a full-body, drum-inspired cardio workout using weighted rip stix. It's a BLAST. When we're not squatting or lunging (which is 80% of the class), we're working abs/booty. It's ahhhhmaaaazing. We also take it up a notch by incorporating plyometrics (jump moves). It definitely helps keep me fit. Plus, there's just something about losing yourself in the beat and jamming out like a rock star. Come try it out!
The last thing I want to say is...I truly accept my body at all sizes. It's been a journey getting to that place but once you do...it's liberating and intoxicating and so so wonderful. I no longer see my body as something to conquer and manipulate and dominate. I see it as an ally. In my opinion...that, rather than any muscle definition or size, is the ultimate goal.
xx,
-w-
f e a r L E S S
“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”
Fear was a subtle guide for much of my life. Sometimes the impact was as minor as passing on the high dive at the pool, or as major as missing out on the cool experience in the great unknown. If we let it, fear can permeate every facet of our lives, both personally and professionally. Tell me if any of these sound familiar:
- Being too timid to introduce yourself to someone, whether it be a valuable business contact, a potential friend, or a good-looking stranger for fear you'll seem annoying/desperate/pathetic
- Not signing up for a class/workshop for fear you'll appear incompetent/uncomfortable/lacking
- Foregoing a party/event for fear your only friend will be the chip dip
- Not pursuing a promotion/growth/career change opportunity for fear you'll fall short
- Not traveling for fear you'll get lost/get robbed/kidnapped with no Liam Neeson to save you
- Passing on going solo to an event/movie/etc for fear you'll look like a giant L O S E R
- Staying stuck in your current rut for fear of putting yourself out there and taking a risk
Maybe, possibly, perhaps at least one of these hit a little close to home? You're most definitely not alone. I consider myself a pretty independent person, and I can tell you...I identify with every single one of those, to varying degrees. Absolutely.
“The fears we don’t face become our limits.”
The thing is...fear actually kind of pisses me off. Or at least it used to. I hated feeling weak and restricted and...CONTROLLED. I hated feeling like fear was manipulating me, because it was! I mean, it was nothing extreme. It's not like I stayed locked up in my house and never ventured out into the big, bad, scary world. No, I still got out and lived life...but not to the depth and breadth that was possible.
Much of this fear also stemmed from my upbringing. Now please, don't get it twisted: I LOVE my parents, and they knocked it out of the park with raising my sister and me. I'm in awe of the exceptional job they did. Truly. But there has always been - and continues to be - a strong undercurrent of fear. I mean, to this day, whenever I embark on certain outings - especially road trips - I'm met with a fair amount of attempts to persuade me to not go. And of course, I recognize and appreciate this demonstrates their love and concern for me, and I'm so grateful for that. However, I finally had to just claim my own life, assure them I was taking necessary precautions/being smart about it, and just G O. Let me tell you, that was quite the breakthrough for me when I stepped up and called the shots for my own life. Snaps for Whit!
One of my biggest fears was my fear of heights (or falling, if you want to be technical). The acrophobia was real for me. Lightheadedness, heart palpitations...ooohhh yeah. I loved roller coasters because I felt secure and contained, but I was NOT a fan of peering over the edge of a high bridge, or peeking over the side of a cliff. No way.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
So I decided to face that fear and conquer it in the best way I could think of: SKYDIVING. I finally checked that off my bucket list a couple of days ago. The shocking part?! I WASN'T NERVOUS AT ALL. Not from the minute I signed up to the minute I jumped. No heart racing, no adrenaline. Just...calm as can be. I mean, to be fair, I'm glad I had a guy strapped to the back of me who jumped for the both of us as I stared out the tiny open plane door to the earth 13,000 feet below. And it didn't hurt he was one cool dude, with remarkably calming energy and a fun personality (Cody Butikofer at DZone is the man). Everything about the whole experience was...smooth. Effortless. Easy.
“The quickest way to acquire self confidence is to do exactly what you are afraid to do.”
And I feel...EMPOWERED. What an incredible sensation.
Also important: I am surrounded by phenomenal, inspiring people. People who lust after life and get out and MAKE IT HAPPEN. Two such people come to mind: my friend Rachel, and my friend Julie. Two of the raddest experiences of my life were with them, when we refused to hold ourselves back. One of those experiences was skydiving this past weekend, when Julie and I took the plunge (literally) and had the time of our lives.
Another was a couple of years ago when Rachel and I took a girls trip to Arizona, where one of our adventures was climbing Humphrey's Peak outside of Flagstaff. Before we even set foot on the trail, while still in the parking lot, we met two men (one of them apparently ex-Special Forces) who proceeded to tell us alllll about the significant risks and challenges of the climb. Cool story, bro. We politely nodded and set out anyway. A few steps in, I experienced my first panic attack. Let me tell you, it came in fast and FIERCE - like whoa. Determined to not let it stop me, I did my best to breathe my way through it (much easier said than done, if you've ever experienced one!), and rode it out. Then, along the trail, it started to snow. Soon, we encountered a ranger who was descending, explaining he deemed it too dangerous to summit, and urging us to turn back. We looked at each other and...continued on. Ultimately, we reached the top and experienced that high specific to a summit. As you can imagine, the success was that much sweeter, having continued past those obstacles undeterred. Take THAT, fear!
Reflecting on it later, it struck me how similar it is to life: people along the way preaching doom and gloom, reasons for why you should stop/turn back/avoid risk. The scared ones trying (some innocently and lovingly, some selfishly and maliciously) to hold you back. And sure, you shouldn't be so rigid and arrogant that you are immune to reason and sound advice but...with great risk comes great reward, yeah?
It's taken awareness and mindfulness, but now my reaction to fear is to lean into it. If it scares me, it actually motivates me to confront it. It's ALL about perspective. I've trained myself to perceive fear as a friend, not foe. It revs my body up to stay alert, focused, energetic, and agile. Plus, it's a great indicator you're doing what you should do to evolve and grow, baby, grow! Once you learn to frame it this way...you're SET. You eliminate all of its negative power. You allow it to help you.
How are YOU letting fear serve you?
xx,
-w-
D O it T O it
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
You and I, we live in a fast-paced world. It doesn't matter if you're a stay-at-home parent running a household or a boss babe (or bro) in a business suit slaying the corporate world, we all have things we need to do; and most of us have a LOT of them. Learning how to manage it all and stay productive is key.
If you're like me, you're alllll 'bout dem to-do lists. Committing to dos to a physical/digital list brings me relief for a few reasons:
- Eliminates my concern I'll forget them
- Especially the future, non-immediate tasks/ideas
- Allows me to organize and prioritize my plan of attack
- Tethers them to a structured framework instead of floating around in my head causing anxiety
- Allows me to focus
I swear, my mind has approximately 167 tabs open at any given time (times two, when I'm trying to fall asleep, ya feel?!), as I'm sure many of you can relate. I have various ventures going on and balls in the air, and my brain is constantly assessing what needs to be done and generating ideas for progression. I mean, CONSTANTLY. In a word, it can be E X H A U S T I N G, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My brain doesn't work in a linear fashion (which can make certain tasks challenging and overwhelming). But it's me, it's the way my brain works, and I've learned how to work with it! Lists are a key element of that. They allow me to compartmentalize my life/to dos and break them down into manageable bites. As they say, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. [Side question: Why elephants? I ain't tryna eat a sweet, gentle elephant. Why can't it just be a really large watermelon? Are we all agreed? Cool.]
Anyway. Back to lists.
I recently finished reading Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg, an excellent book on management and leadership (he also wrote Power of Habit, which I read prior to diving into Smarter Faster Better and blogged about earlier; both are fantastic). He has a great way of presenting studies and supporting evidence in an easily digestible way through a narrative method. He sprinkles in relevant stories and examples to scaffold his assertions and illustrate his points so it's not so, you know, friggin' dull.
So in his book he advises using stretch goals. These are lofty goals that you have to, you know, stretch for (apt term, right?). This helps you really maximize your potential and evolve, to truly promote productivity and personal growth (all good things). However, having a list of solely stretch goals isn't stellar, because we neeeed bursts of feelings of accomplishment to help us stay focused, committed, and motivated. Quick little high fives and butt slaps to help us feel like we're doing well and progressing. These help fill our tanks to keep us going on our journey to ultimate fulfillment.
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule but to schedule your priorities.”
Ideally, our lists will include a series of short-term, achievable proximal goals (not too lofty/out of reach/far off) via the SMART system:
- S: Specific
- M: Measurable:
- A: Achievable
- R: Realistic
- T: Time-bound
For example, let's say you aspire to de-clutter your house. Here's how you could incorporate the SMART method:
- Specific: Focus on one room, e.g. kitchen
- Measurable: Decrease items/appliances on counter to a certain amount, such as six, and de-junk five kitchen drawers
- Achievable: Adjust the scope to your *realistic* timeframe, schedule, and energy level. Maybe only focus on just the counters and a couple of drawers. Adjusting the scope will help break it down into doable bites to help you from feeling overwhelmed from the task, and frustrated if you don't complete it within the designated time.
- Realistic: Don't aim for a complete kitchen makeover in one afternoon.
- Time-bound: Set your timer for two hours. This will hold you to a deadline and keep you accountable.
“There’s a huge difference between working on something and working towards something.”
Some of Duhigg's advice that was new for me was to avoid listing easy items you can check off right away, just for that feel goodness. As he avers, that signals you're using it for mood repair, not productivity. In other words, by doing so, you're more focused on making yourself feel awesome than actually getting shiz done. I mean, yeah, duh, we all want to feel awesome BUT...we'll feel even MORE awesome by amplifying productivity.
“Focus on being productive instead of busy.”
As Duhigg explains, the problem with many to-do lists is when we write down a series of short-term objectives, we're allowing our brains to seize on the sense of satisfaction each task will deliver. We're encouraging our need for closure and our tendency to freeze on a goal without asking if it's the right aim. The result is we spend hours answering unimportant emails instead of writing a big thoughtful memo - because it feels so satisfying to clean out our box. But then...we still feel the bigger task(s) weighing on us, which we ignored.
As Peter Drucker notes in The Effective Executive (another superb read):
“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”
In other words, work smarter, not harder! We have limited time each day, so we need to make the most of it. By prioritizing our to-do lists and choosing our tasks with care, we'll maximize our 24 hours and handle our days like the ballers we are.
xx,
-w-
“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four-hour days.”
L E T it G O
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
Newsflash, y'all: We're human! This means we lose our cool. We get impatient, sad, and unreasonable. We snap at people and occasionally act a fool. We sometimes feel anxious, fearful, and unsure.
We've all been there! We all get it. It's not something for which we should hide or criticize ourselves. It's all part of the human experience, amigos.
The key lies in how quickly and effectively we can get back to good. How speedily we can release those negative vibes and return to those good vibes.
“Exercise the letting go muscle: the healing is in the return, not in never having wandered to begin with.”
Salzberg is a New York Times best-selling author and teacher of Buddhist meditation practices in the West. Cool lady, I'll tell you that. As she indicates, our "wandering" from peace and happiness is not the focus; rather, it's the return that matters. We're all going to wander - some of us less often, some of us more often, than others. Forget about the frequency. Focus on strengthening the "return" muscle. The more we train and use it, the stronger it gets. The faster and more often you can let go and release those negative emotions, the better you'll get at it.
“The art of concentration is a continual letting go.”
Letting go can be tough stuff. It could be letting go of a toxic thought, a resentful feeling, self shame or guilt, frustration, worry, rage, whatever. Sometimes it's not just a snap of the fingers to bring instant relief. It's important to feel those negative emotions (so they don't become repressed and fester), and then let that shiz go. The secret is self compassion. Maybe you made a mistake (yelled at your kids, or wrongly accused your friend) and feel awful about it. It's okay! Genuinely apologize if necessary (if the situation calls for it), make amends if you need to, and move the heck on. Come back into balance with kindness toward yourself. This makes the process faster and restorative.
“Meditation trains the mind the way physical exercise trains the body.”
Same concept if you're meditating. If you've ever dabbled in it, you know how challenging it can be! It's not about sitting there in perfect, no-thought bliss. Your head will likely be swimming with thoughts, like, "I'm hungry." "I'm tired." "Oh, shoot, I have to buy a birthday present for my friend. I hope I remember to do that!" "How long has it been?" And on and on and ON. But as Superstar Salzberg advises, "The healing is in the return." That right there is why you're meditating: to get better at returning to peace. And if your thoughts keep coming, great! More opportunities to strengthen that "return" muscle and get crazy buff.
“This universe is much too big to hold onto, but it is the perfect size for letting go.”
And if anxiety is your thing? Letting go is the antidote! This takes time to master, but once you get the hang of it - it's a beautiful thing. Utterly miraculous. When you're fearful/anxious, you're trusting in your own strength. When you're at ease, you're trusting in the strength of the higher power (God/Universe/Allah/whomever). My favorite mantra recently is: "I relax. I let go. My life is in perfect flow." I repeat this to myself over and over when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Let me tell you, it really comes in clutch every night when I lie down to sleep and have a zillion thoughts sprinting through my head. It grounds and calms my thoughts, serving as a focal point to instantly relax me. Try it!
xx,
-w-
