I am M E and Y O U are Y O U
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“I’m not beautiful like you. I’m beautiful like me.”
Heads up: This is a deeply personal post. Like...I'm about to get reallllyyy real witchu. And you know what? I'm not nervous, or scared, or self conscious. If people read this and think of me differently, I'm okay with that. I'm solid no matter how people perceive me. Vulnerability no longer intimidates me like it used to. Part of that is because I have the best, most supportive people in my life (including you!). But also - I've made peace with what I'm about to share with you! True, lasting peace. I feel solid and great and compelled to share my story to hopefully help others achieve that peace too.
“Two things prevent us from happiness: living in the past and observing others.”
That doesn't mean I'm going to bare all - a girl's gotta have some secrets! I personally feel there's a time and a place to share your story/stories. Ideally, you'd have a purpose (seeking comfort in a confidant, inspiring others, relating to others, etc), so hopefully you find value in this tell all I'm about to throw down.
Okay, okay, enough prefacing...
Like most people - especially girls - I have insecurities. Earth shattering, I know (stop eye rolling and stay with me, this isn't my big reveal!). It's part of the human experience. I accept that and just love myself through them anyway, refusing to let them hold me back. I vanquish them by fully embracing them.
“A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.”
But it wasn't always like that. One insecurity in particular was my feeling of inferiority regarding my sister. If you know my sister, Brooke, you obvi know how stunningly beautiful she is, and fun and talented and and and and... She is a total dime piece.
It's a wonder we're so close, because we're polar opposites. She quickly decides, I slowly analyze. She hates working out, I'm gaga about fitness. She's the comfort queen, I suffer for fashion. And on and on. We're three years apart, so back when we were growing up, after elementary we never attended the same school, which allowed us to form our own identities - and those identities were pretty different.
“I think a lot of people compare their insides to other people’s outsides.”
Then came college, when we officially became peers. We started hanging out with each other, running around with the same people...and dating within the same circles. If you have a sister/close friend, you know this can get messy. Luckily there were only one or two guys we mutually liked (draaaaama drama drama).
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and you’re still going to find someone who hates peaches.”
However, I soon started to feel swept into her shadow, which soon became a prison for me. I felt like she was prettier, smarter, funnier, better...and I felt like a L O S E R in comparison. Slowly I started to retreat into myself, and acted like I felt. My vibe started getting lower and lower and would just radiate that low energy. I hated going out with her, because I would feel like the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend - go watch the movie - it's cheesy but I love it!).
“Comparison is a slippery slope to envy.”
I'd brace myself for the inevitable, "Your sister is so beautiful/cool/fun" comments, each one like daggers to the heart (I know i know - dramatic much?). Honestly though, I physically felt each casual comment like that. I can't tell you how many times I left outings early, feeling so dejected and insecure. I realize that merely reading about my experience may not impart the same severe despondency I felt but y'all - it was absolutely GNARLY. Let's just say it was a pretty sick workout journaling all my feelings! (And before I go further, I want to note: I LOVE MY SISTER. Anytime I would vent to her, she was incredibly loving and supportive.)
“You’re never going to be ‘her’ or look like ‘her.’ GOOD. We would miss out on you!”
It went on like this for years. I was a slave to my insecurity. Anytime someone would hit that nerve, I would immediately react, usually emotionally and harshly. Brooke is pretty vocal and outspoken. I can be too, but my natural instinct is to balance dynamics, so when I'm with her I'm usually quieter and more reserved. This further fueled the fire, leading me to feel even more like a supporting actress to her leading lady. I remember getting so upset when people would constantly refer to The Paper Doll Boutique (the store we used to own and run together) as Brooke's business. Sure, I understood that much of what drove that assumption was Brooke's physical and vocal presence. She was manning the store during the day, welcoming customers and handling much of the admin issues. I was only there in the evenings, after finishing up at my full-time job during the day. Plus, you definitely know when Brooke is in the room! She's fantastic at meeting and relating to people.
One of the final straws was when I was talking to a colleague friend of mine (at my full-time job) about wanting to ask our store's landlord for something. This friend advised having Brooke ask the landlord instead, because Brooke has the looks and charm to make it happen. As you can imagine, this made me feel less than stellar. After the colleague sensed she'd hit a nerve and tried doing damage control, I confided I understood she meant no harm, but it was a sensitive topic for me. Still attempting to mitigate the damage, she added, "I know it has to be hard growing up under her shadow and never feeling like you're enough. One day that won't matter that you're not as charming or pretty." (Again - she honestly meant no harm.)
It finally clicked for me: it wasn't about me at all. I knew my friend had a parallel experience with her older sister. She was viewing my situation through a lens tainted by her own insecurities. She was seeing herself in me. Anything she was telling me, she was essentially telling herself. IT WASN'T ABOUT ME AT ALL. I'd already known on an intellectual level that people's interactions with and perceptions of you are colored by their own issues and self doubts. Somehow - that kick in the gut really solidified that truth for me.
“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”
I decided to work on reclaiming my confidence and power I'd given away all those years. The truth is, I let myself feel inferior. Trust me, I'm not criticizing myself - I acknowledge this with a full amount of love and compassion toward myself. But the bottom line remains: I have power over my thoughts and emotions. I have SO MUCH to offer, and I was wasting it by losing myself in comparison. I was determined to reignite my spark.
“The truth is, comparing ourselves to others doesn’t just steal our joy, it robs those around us of the rare gift of someone who has learned to offer their uniqueness to the world.”
“Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.”
Okay, I'm about to get all Tony Robbins/Oprah/lovey dovey on you. You still with me? Each one of us has a sparkle to share with the world. I 100% believe that and am desperate for everyone to know that too. And I mean, REALLY know that - to your core.
“Don’t compare your real life to someone else’s controlled online content.”
It's alarmingly easy to become consumed by comparison, especially with the social media highlight reels we're ambushed with on the daily. I'm constantly having to bitch slap self doubts that try to slither in my thoughts: "Oh, she's so creative. How did she execute that? She's so much more skilled than I am.." "She's a friggin' business prodigy, and she's only 22? Wish I would've been that astute at that age." "She's a millionaire before age 30? Dayumm, how would that be?"
“Just because they reached certain milestones before you did doesn’t mean you won’t get there, too. There are enough houses, marriages, dogs, money, cars, jobs, and vacations to go around.”
The more watchful and protective I've become over my thoughts, the more agile and adept I am at keeping them happy and pure and free of dem low vibez. I've conditioned myself to be GENUINELY happy for others' success and blessings, without feeling like it diminishes my own. "That guy has a thriving business and blissful relationship? THAT'S AWESOME!" "That girl has legs for days and a contagious personality? What a babe!" Their success is not my failure! I've learned to view the world through an abundance mindset (more on this in a later post). There isn't a finite amount of money/success/blessings to go around. Yo - we can A L L be happy and successful and beautiful! There's plenty for all of us. What a concept!
“Comparison isn’t just the thief of joy, it’s the thief of EVERYTHING. Keep your eyes on your purposeful path. Celebrate others. Celebrate progress, not perfection. Cultivate gratitude over comparison. Gratitude turns what we have into more than enough.”
So let's celebrate our differences. Celebrate ourselves. Celebrate EACH OTHER. We can all rock at the same time!
xx,
-w-
I A M pretty part deux
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
“Why are middle school girls skipping the awkward stage and going straight to pretty? No, no, you get braces and wear blue eyeshadow. You do your time.”
I don't know about you, but I'm progressively amazed at how "mature" teenagers look these days. And no, it's not because I'm getting older. It's because the teenagers of today are night-and-day different from the teenagers of the past! It used to be a rite of passage to take selfies (complete with brace face and cringe-worthy makeup) screaming of adolescent awkwardness. These days, selfies include perfected posing, expertly-applied makeup, and strategized lighting. I'm convinced they added a "Perfecting Your Pouty Face" to the middle school curriculum. NO FAIR.
My sister and I are continually floored each year when our high school seniors (she photographs, I style) show up already knowing how to move their bodies and pose. They know their angles, they nail the fake laugh, they slay the smize (smiling with your eyes)... It's a whole new breed.
A really good amiga recently shared a Beauty Redefined article titled Save Your Girls From Instagram (linked below and in the blog's Resources). A must read for everyone, especially parents.
The article spotlights the message society (which includes you and me!) sends our youth, particularly our young women. Here's a little taste:
“You exist for others’ viewing pleasure. Your happiness and self worth [are] directly connected to your ability to command increasing likes, follows, and DMs. Your beauty is defined by specific ideals set constantly out of reach and ever changing. [Your] joy will come from documenting perfectly poised, styled, and edited images of your experiences - not the experiences themselves. Your looks are your most valuable asset. Your body will earn you love, popularity, and self esteem.”
I mean...where do I even start with this? So much to dissect! And it's spot freaking on, is it not?!
Here are some questions to ask ourselves:
- When looking at a new account, how many times do you peek at the person's followers, to secretly know just how much credit/respect/social media cred to assign that person?
- How many of you monitor your own likes and followers, feeling jazzed when you get more?
- How many times have you been out with friends/on a date/on a vacation/etc and focused on exactly how to curate a shot so you can post it on social media? (Because if you don't 'gram it, did it even really happen?) You're more intent on making it appear as if you're having the time of your life, than actually having the time of your life.
- How many times while standing in the checkout line have you seen women's magazine covers advising us on how to "Embrace those curves, Mama (pg. 15)" then instructing on how to "Drop 15 to get that summer body you've always wanted (pg. 16)"? (Mixed message much??? Especially when they then offer a delicious cake recipe on pg. 17!!)
Do any of these questions resonate with you? I know they do with me.
Sure, we can blame social media for objectifying females, but the truth is, we receive/send similar messages every day: through the way we talk to/about each other (little ears are often listening!), the way females give/receive validation and respect, the way we define health/fitness (visible abs do NOT always equal a healthy, fit body!), the way we try to attract romantic attention... Few and far between are the guys who slide into my DMs telling me what a "sweet spirit" I have. But we can't really just vilify the dudes because we're A L L part of the society which perpetuates this image-centric message. And a major conduit for this message is social media.
Social media is powerful, right? Don't get me wrong, it offers an array of benefits. It can connect like-minded individuals and twin souls (romantic/platonic). People you normally wouldn't have crossed paths with otherwise. It cultivates friendships, nourishes visions, ignites movements, sparks ideas, facilitates partnerships. But it also can send a dangerous message: that what you look like matters most. From celebrities advertising flat tummy teas, to "fitness" influencers guiding you how to transform from flab to fab, to beauty advocates teaching you how to "glow up" (all accompanied by body-baring, perfectly-poised pictures because those get the most likes) - it all solidifies the message that your image is your identity, and your source of value/worth.
I mean, H E L L O - it's hard enough growing up and navigating puberty. But to do it in a time where beauty standards have been raised to supermodel heights - forget about it! Being constantly inundated with images of peers who have *seemingly* achieved those standards - it's beyond defeating and exhausting and disgusting. And dangerous. So so dangerous. Hence the rising rates of suicide, and bullying, and depression.
PARENT PSA (public service announcement): Even if you spend considerable time on social media, you have no idea to what kids are really exposed. They are savvier than you are, and targeted with ideals and messages you aren't. As the article asserts:
“We are here to promise you that the burden of objectification that will be placed upon your daughter’s shoulders is much, much heavier than the burden you will carry by encouraging her to stay off Instagram. Even if everyone else is on.”
The article provides pros and cons for parents to consider, questions to discuss with their kids, and suggested rules for social media usage (should parents decide to allow it). Even if you don't have kids, I highly recommend reading the article, because it affects us all. None are immune.
So let's start a revolution, by first loving ourselves (see previous post for inspo!) and encouraging and allowing others to love themselves. Let's change how we talk to ourselves, how we talk to others, and how we talk about others. Let's emphasize good hearts and kind souls instead of tight bunz and toned legs. Let's promote intelligence and good vibes over beauty and looks.
And this isn't to say you have to choose between liking fashion/makeup and being a good person. Hell no! I mean, look at me - I style clients to look and feel their best, and have a whole blog section dedicated to style. To me, it's a form of art and self-expression. Where it becomes bad news is when you're unable to separate your identity from your image; when what you look like and the attention you receive control your emotions and feelings of self worth; when you let beauty standards/others' opinions keep you from living your life and doing things. For example: Are you one of those people who does juuuust enough at the gym so you can still walk out looking cute? Screw that. That right there is prioritizing your looks over your health. No bueno!!
Let's all take care of ourselves and one another. Deal?!
https://beautyredefined.org/save-your-girls-from-instagram/
xx,
-w-
I A M pretty
“Beauty starts in your head, not your mirror.”
Do you remember when you were five and you didn't give a flying f*** what you looked like in a swimmy? You were just jazzed to be soaking up those rays. You didn't care about appearing a certain way or emitting a certain vibe. You were just YOU.
So what the hell happened?
Somehow from childhood to adulthood, we start caring. We start caring a LOT.
If you're lucky, you learn to stop the madness (or at least mitigate it). You learn to reclaim your power. Your self-love. Your confidence. You learn to shift the focus from the superficial to the real. The fleeting (looks) to the forever (soul). As cheesy as it sounds, you concentrate on the interior rather than the exterior. You're more concerned with how you FEEL, and the energy emitted by you/others. That's what really counts, right?!!
How many rad, fun opportunities have you tainted for yourself by stressing over what you look like? Or worse - how many cool opportunities have you bypassed altogether, because of feeling too fat/ugly/whatever other self-loathing adjective you can think of. I know I have. And it's total bullshit. E N O U G H.
“And I said to my body, softly, “I want to be your friend.” It took a long breath and replied, “I have been waiting my whole life for this.””
I'll be honest, it took me what felt like an eternity to get to the point of full self acceptance. It was a long, gnarly road. I used to hold impossibly high standards for myself, and constantly fought my body at every turn. That shiz is exhausting. I'm sure many of you can relate (which makes me sad!). The shocking reward of finally accepting myself??? I actually look and feel better than ever before! It's like my body breathed a giant sigh of relief and said, "Okay cool - finally, let's play on the same team." It's been awhile now that I feel good in my skin, so I KNOW lasting results are possible!
“I found I was more confident when I stopped being someone else’s definition of beautiful and started being my own.”
So what shifted it for me?
- Exhaustion
- Honestly, it drained me and I maxed out. I just got tired of constantly mentally beating the daylights out of myself. SO.NOT.WORTH.IT.
- Mindfulness and positive self talk
- First I became aware of my negative thoughts, and then punched them in the face. In other words, I halted them right there, and replaced them with compliments. A lot of it was a "fake it 'til you make it" tactic. If I hated my arms, I would tell myself how much I loved them, and emphasized how strong they are. Ironically, now my arms are one of my FAVE body parts!
- Gratitude
- Thanking my body for taking care of me and keeping me alive. Expressing love for it through thought, word, and action. Knowing that contrary to my prior belief, my body really was trying to look out for me and be a team player. Removing that pressure for it to fit a certain beauty ideal really did make all the difference.
- Focusing on how I felt rather than how I looked
- Do I feel energetic? Happy? Motivated? If yeses across the board, then I'm solid. If not, I'll focus on the area needing my attention.
- Self care
- Wanting to take care of my body to keep it happy and healthy and thriving, not frustrated and starving and self-destructing.
“Confidence will make you happier than any diet ever will.”
- Intuitive eating and moving
- By slowly re-learning to tune into my body, I can sense what it wants and deliver. Our bodies are truly miraculous and intelligent. The cleaner your palate (less clogged with packaged frankenfood), the more you can understand what your body is telling you. My body constantly amazes me with its cravings. Time and again, I'll suddenly crave something and then be able to attribute it to a certain reason. For example, I'll crave citrus and then feel the beginnings of a cold that my body was able to fight off. The last time I had blood work done and discovered the minerals/vitamins in which I was deficient, it suddenly made PERFECT sense why I crave my salad every single day: all of the ingredients in there are booming with the vitamins/minerals in which I'm deficient. My body continues to crave those nutrients because it is still healing from malabsorption issues due to prolonged antibiotic use (another story for another day!).
- When my body screams for rest, I acquiesce and pump the brakes. This one can be a little tricky to master, knowing when you need to move to feel better and when you really do need to recover. You definitely need one or two rest days a week. Ironically, though I love high-intensity workouts, my body does not. A moderate workout regimen actually helps me look, feel, and perform better. So experiment a little and heed what your body tells you. Remove your ego and let your body be the boss.
“Self love is accepting that the body you were given is enough and taking care of your body isn’t the same thing as obsessively manipulating it.”
And the biggest secret of all that eluded me all those years?? CONFIDENCE. How you carry yourself matters FAR MORE than what you actually look like. It's mind blowing how true that is. Think about it. Think about someone you've seen at the beach/pool. They might not (gasp!) have a thigh gap, they might have cellulite, they might be rocking a "plus size" but they are FEELING THEMSELVES. And that instantly makes you feel them too (but, you know...not literally. Unless you're high fiving them for looking so fly).
If someone carries themselves proudly and confidently, that automatically ups their attractiveness. It's like friggin' magic. Try it! And if you're not feeling yourself just yet, fake it 'til you make it, baby. No really. Pretend. Trust me on this.
“In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”
Sometimes I'll put on a piece of clothing on and think, "Not your best look." Maybe I think it makes me look bigger, or shows off some celly. So I'll make myself wear it anyway. I'm so done with letting my body image hold me back. For example, I wore some leggings to teach Pound the other night that made my thighs look less toned (hello, literal spotlight, while teaching in front of a class!). Plus, as I'm sure many of you can relate: one minute you can feel like a busted can of biscuits, and the next like a svelte supermodel. Like...sometimes even within the same hour. It's b a n a n a s how that works.
Awhile ago, I saw the movie I Feel Pretty with Amy Schumer. I went into it expecting cheesiness and forced humor. I was happily so wrong. It was fun, it was funny, it was touching. Highly recommend.
There is more to say on this topic, but rather than going on for dayzzz about it, I'll split it up into two posts. Thanks for staying with me this far! In the next one, I'll highlight a FANTASTIC article my friend shared with me. You should consider checking out the post if you: 1. have social media. 2. are a parent. 3. are human. We'll discuss how beauty ideals have changed in this brave new world we're living in, which includes social media. Gone are the awkward teenagers, replaced by adolescents who know their angles, know their makeup, and know their sex appeal. I really think you'll be glad you read it.
xx,
-w-
I N T O the S H A D O W S
Images by Whitney Richardson Photography
Modeled by Nicole Spinnler
Assisted by Cari Spinnler
“How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole.”
Where there is lightness, there is darkness. Yin and yang. The blazing sun casts a deep shadow. Put simply, it is N A T U R A L. Therefore, it is natural for even the lightest souls to also contain shades of darkness. It is within every single one of us. We all have a shadow.
When it becomes problematic is when we deny this shadow. We pretend it's not there, or even actively reject it. Why is this problematic? The shadow doesn't easily take a hint, then take a hike. No, it lingers. It lingers and it gets its due by seeping into our thoughts, our actions, and our words, whether we're aware of it or not. Ultimately, it blocks true happiness, authenticity, and evolution.
So what is the shadow? The shadow is a concept discovered by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. The shadow is the “dark side” of our personality because it consists mainly of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the desire for power.
“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we will keep trying to slay them in the outer world. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work.”
The personal shadow is the disowned self. This shadow self represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities.
As I mentioned, these unexamined or disowned parts of our personality don’t go anywhere. As if. Although we deny them in our attempt to cast them out, we don’t eliminate them. They're stillll there.
We repress them; they are part of our unconscious. Put simply, the unconscious is everything of which we are not conscious.
These emotions are part of our shared humanity. We're all in this together. But as we grow up, something happens.
Traits associated with “being good” are accepted, while others associated with “being bad” are rejected. We all have basic human needs. These needs include physiological needs, safety and security needs, and needs for belonging. These needs are biological and instinctual.
As humans, we are motivated by our needs. So when we perceive an aspect of ourselves as threatening one of our needs (typically the needs for safety, love, and belonging) we shove those aspects into the shadows. We pick up cues from our environment, so if we experience/witness a trait being condemned by others (especially our caretakers), we repress and deny, baby. Repress and deny.
I mean, think about it. If you go deep and consider this from an evolutionary standpoint, our very safety and existence depends on our caretakers' (parents - biological or otherwise) acceptance and approval. We ain't tryna repel them, leaving us to fend for ourselves. We need them to feed and protect us. And even socially speaking - generally, to be "successful" (personally and professionally) and happy and fulfilled in life, we need social connection. So we will do our damndest to hide any trait we've perceived as socially unacceptable. We want to be liked and accepted by our friends/colleagues/bosses.
Let’s say you realize your need to take better care of yourself (especially you moms and dads!). You create a self-care routine and are feeling psyched about it.
A few days in, though, you start receiving blowback from the people in your life. Maybe your kids are banging on the door while you're working out/meditating, or your boss guilt trips you when you ask to leave work early (or on time!).
Your doubts and fears creep in about this whole self-care thing. You worry you are being regarded as "selfish" and decide to bail on the self care. Before you know it, you’ve taken yourself off your priority list and might even secretly take pride in your selflessness. That’s what “good” people do, after all. Right?
In your quest to be good (likable, lovable, worthy, enough), your ability to focus on yourself has been pushed into the shadows.
In the above example, the shadow is the desire (or need) for self-care. But, somewhere along the way, you were convinced that focusing on your own needs was wrong or bad (aka selfish) so you rejected those desires by denying their existence. You designed your life so it would always appear you were doing “right” by others.
Our egos use this mechanism to defend itself—to defend how it perceives itself. Our false identities of being “good” keep us from connecting to our shadow, which then keeps us from freedom and true acceptance (internal and external).
All we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—become part of the shadow. Anything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves moves to this dark side.
Trouble pops up when we fail to see it.
Get this: The shadow can operate on its own without our full awareness. It’s as if our conscious self goes on autopilot while the unconscious takes the wheel. Remaining unaware of the shadow harms our relationships with our spouses, family, and friends. It will also impact our professional relationships, as well as our leadership abilities.
“When we deny ourselves a safe outlet to express our dark side - or refuse to even acknowledge its existence - it builds up and becomes a powerful force capable of destroying our life as well as the lives of those around us.”
And those parts of ourselves we slide out of view? We then see them in others.
Whatever qualities we deny in ourselves, we see in others.
In psychology, this is called projection. We project onto others anything we conceal within us.
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us. ”
For example: Let's say you're pissed at someone for selfishly taking two cookies instead of one, or for interrupting you. This doesn't mean those actions aren't rude. It just means deep down, you recognize those in your shadow self. It should be noted we usually aren't aware of these projections (hopefully you will be after reading this).
These projections distort reality, creating a solid boundary between how we view ourselves and how we behave in reality.
“Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.”
This is something I'm constantly working on. And you know what? It's not a process from which one ever fully graduates. Sure, it can become easier and more rewarding and enlightening, depending on how you frame it. I've trained myself to appreciate and be grateful for glimpses of my shadow; I now view it as an opportunity to progress and improve myself. But as I indicated with the yin and yang: it's the natural balance of things. Lightness and darkness go hand in hand. It's natural. That darkness has a purpose. Don't let it control you. Accept yourself and accept others. View it with love. Own your darkness and liberate yourself! That will help your light shine even BRIGHTER.
xx,
-w-
“Sometimes someone isn’t ready to see the bright side. Sometimes they need to sit with the shadow first. So be a friend and sit with them. Make the darkness beautiful.”
FAT is P H A T
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography
For much of our lives, we were advised to avoid dietary fat if we wanted to stay svelte and healthy. It was drilled into us that fat makes you fat. Not PHAT (aka pretty hot and tempting, for those of you not up on early-2000 pop culture - who even are you), but f a t. The no bueno kind. Well guess freaking what?! That guidance is WRONG-O.
Current studies show fat is actually ESSENTIAL to your health. Imagine that. In a powerful article by Dr. Dwight Lundell, a heart surgeon with 25 years' experience and over 5,000 open-heart surgeries under his belt, he admits he was wrong all those years. Here are some key takeaways from his article (which I will link below):
- Inflammation is the real culprit
- This has prompted a paradigm shift in the treatment of heart disease and other chronic ailments
- Inflammation causes cholesterol to become trapped, causing heart disease and strokes. Without inflammation, cholesterol would move freely throughout the body as nature intended.
- Inflammation is your body's natural defense to a foreign invader, such as bacteria, toxins, or viruses
- If we chronically expose our bodies to injury by toxins or foods the human body was never designed to process (looking at you, McD's "chicken" nuggets), a condition occurs called chronic inflammation.
- We have simply followed the recommended mainstream low-fat diet, unknowingly causing repeated injury to our blood vessels. Yikes! This repeated injury creates chronic inflammation leading to heart disease, stroke, diabetes (aka DIABEETUS), and obesity.
- The biggest culprits of chronic inflammation are, quite simply, the overload of simple, highly processed carbohydrates (sugar, flour, and all products made from them) and the excessive consumption of omega-6 veggie oils like soybean, corn, and sunflower found in many processed foods
- (This is a gnarly analogy) Take a moment to visualize rubbing a stiff brush repeatedly over soft skin until it becomes extremely red and nearly bleeding. Imagine you repeated this several times a day, every day for five years. If you could even tolerate this painful brushing, you would have a bleeding, swollen infected area that worsened with each repeated injury. This is a good way to visualize the inflammatory process that could be going on in your body right now. JIGGA WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- A diseased artery looks like someone took a brush and scrubbed repeatedly against its wall
- SEVERAL TIMES A DAY, EVERY DAY, the foods we eat create small injuries compounding into even MORE injuries, causing the body to RESPOND CONTINUOUSLY and appropriately WITH INFLAMMATION
- In case you didn't get the point: "While we savor the tantalizing taste of a sweet roll, our bodies respond alarmingly as if a foreign invader arrived declaring war. Foods loaded with sugars and simple carbohydrates, or processed with omega-6 oils for long shelf life have been the mainstay of the American diet for six decades. These foods have been slowly poisoning everyone"
Bananas, right?! Really makes you re-think what you put in your piehole, when you visualize the effects. Another argument for eating foods as close to their natural state as possible (future post on this).
Back to the benefits of fat. Here are some solid reasons to embrace fat:
- Better body composition
- More muscle
- Easier fat loss
- Improved reproductive health
- Better brain function and mood with less risk of depression
- Stronger bones and decreased risk of osteoporosis
- Reduced cancer risk (suck it, cancer)
- Better cholesterol ratio and reduced heart disease risk
- Stronger immune system
- Better SKIN and eye health (yassss! the better to see that glowing skin with, my dear)
- MORE ENERGY!!!!!!!!
So don't shy away from that fat, mis amigos! The closer a food is to its natural form, the better, so avoid anything that's been messed with, i.e. items labeled "low fat" or "low sugar." Real butter is much better than margarine (margarine is straight chemicals, yo), whole milk is preferable to skim, etc. And no more dry salads, puh lease!! Fun fact: Full-fat dressing actually ENHANCES nutrient absorption and bioavailability. So you're actually missing out if you pass on the fat. Good news, right?! Happy eating, PHATties!!!!
xx,
-w-
Links:
https://www.sott.net/article/242516-Heart-Surgeon-Speaks-Out-On-What-Really-Causes-Heart-Disease
http://main.poliquingroup.com/articlesmultimedia/articles/article/1069/ten_amazing_benefits_of_eating_fat.aspx
I ACCEPT YOU
Images by Whitney Richardson Photography
Model: Jennifer Servais
“Watch carefully, the magic that occurs when you give a person just enough comfort to be themselves.”
Let's start this post with an informal poll: Have you ever been irritated by someone? How about intimidated by someone? Angered by someone?
Call me presumptuous, but I'm going to go ahead and say we've all been there. Just hazarding a guess here.
“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.”
Feeling those feelings is part of the human experience. It's natural. It's what we do with them that matters. And I don't know about you, but I'd like to keep riding my high vibes. Don't get me wrong, those "negative" emotions - while not fun to feel - really are absolutely necessary. Here's why:
- They balance us out
- They enhance the "positive" feelings, making them that much sweeter
- They reveal areas of potential growth and self-evolution
“Love people for who they are and not for who you want them to be. That’s where the disconnection starts.”
However, we never want those feelings to control us. So how do we handle those feelings and still feel good, without crossing over into the land of denial, delusion, and insincerity? How do we reclaim our power from those power-leaching feelings when they arise? It can be really friggin' aggravating when an acquaintance keeps the conversation focused on them, or the guy in line behind you keeps hawking a loogie, or a family member keeps leaving a mess for you to clean up, or someone does something SO NOT COOL. Right?! And this isn't limited to feelings of ire: It can be unnerving to be intimated by someone. That's not fun to feel, either.
“Remember, people are the least lovable when they need love the most.”
So here's what you do: think "I accept you." Really mentally and emotionally commit to that sentiment. Accept that person, despite their annoying habits, or selfish ways. Connect to their humanity. Embrace them in all their flawed glory, just as you'd hope others would do for you. We all screw up. It's not a question of if, it's a question of how. We're still all diamonds, baby.
“People do not need to be fixed, they need to be loved.”
This doesn't mean you should become a pushover and toss all boundaries. If someone does something truly unacceptable, or at least something you feeling strongly enough about to address, then communicate this to the person tactfully. Do it early and do it kindly. However, ideally you'd do it from a place of acceptance and love, not fire and vexation. At the very least, it allows you peace of mind and freedom from those gnarly emotions.
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”
“Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.”
This tactic also works brilliantly in times when you're feeling insecure in someone's presence. Simply thinking, "I accept you" shifts the focus from your insecurity to your capacity. From passivity to activity. It allows you to reclaim your power by stripping the other person of their control over you [whether intentional on their end or not]. Moreover, it does so in a way that is loving and good-vibe inducing [told you, all 'bout dem good vibes]. "I accept you." So the next time you find yourself in the same room as Gigi Hadid [seriously, am I the only one this keeps happening to?], you can tell her how to stop being intimidated by you. Poor girl. But seriously, it's a useful tool for when you're interviewing for a job, or meeting new people, or delivering a speech. Try it!
xx,
-w-
“Be the type of person who makes everyone they encounter feel perfectly okay with being exactly who they are.”
