living intuitively
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The Nativist Podcast

Posts tagged body love
Silverevolution

In a world of black and white, gray can be revolutionary, whether you’re accepting life’s nuances or your hair’s natural color. What if we leaned into the gray, instead of fighting or ignoring it? Meg Holmes shares her experience doing just that, by transitioning to her natural hair color and letting her silver shine through. She shares her steps, her thoughts, and her advice, including surprises she’s encountered along the way. We discuss how your beauty is for you to define, and how options empower us all. There are some gold nuggets of wisdom in here, including the dynamic questions Meg suggests asking yourself when. contemplating any life decision.

Beauty on YOUR terms.

You can connect with Meg on Instagram @megstoho and follow along on her journey. Her account is private, so shoot her a friend request and cross those fingers she accepts.

Thank you. Love you. Mean it.

You can find me on Facebook or Instagram @the_nativist

Image by Brekka Hartman Photography


Image by Brekka Hartman Photography

Finding Your Fit[Ness]: Prioritizing Health, Fun, and Body Acceptance

From the minute I met her, I loved Maren Watkins - and I’m confident you will too. You know those people who turbo charge your batteries just by proximity? She is one of those. Her titles (mother, group fitness instructor, UpBeat Barre co-founder, former college professor, meme master, fun crusader) inadequately capture her full awesomeness.

In this episode, we distinguish between body positivity and positive body image and highlight the risk of appearance-based compliments. We offer an alternative to body love, and suggest how to not hate your workout. Maren also shares her brilliant technique for framing body image with her kids. And of course, she humbly tells us what it’s like being a co-founder of a global workout sensation: UpBeat Barre (and why it’s so good for you).

We keep it fun, but we also keep it real. Because balance.

Follow Maren on Instagram @marenwfitness (worth it just for her meme commentary)

Find UpBeat Barre on their site: www.upbeatbarre.com or on Instagram @upbeat.barre

My Eating Disorder Journey

Here it is, another deeply personal episode that’s been a long time coming. Today’s topic is my journey with severe eating disorders. I share which eating disorders (yep, multiple) I experienced and what factors triggered them. I talk about my recovery process (including outpatient treatment in Utah), and where I am with it all currently. I highlight what has helped me, to hopefully help and illuminate an issue affecting so many of us, directly/indirectly. Thank you for listening.


Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist



I’ve copied and pasted my previous blog post on this (to save you some clicks!):


Body. This area is near and dear to my heart. It's been my passion and focus for more years than I care to count. The truth is...

My body and I haven't always been on the same team, for which I take full responsibility. Blinded by lofty aesthetic and fitness ideals, I tried to force my body into what it wasn't. Superhuman stamina or bust. Six pack or bust. Each day I demanded improvement. It was unacceptable to me to do less than the day before. Rest days were laughable. Just one more rep than the day before. Then one more. Then one more...

With a pace and mentality like that - without the chance to recover - it doesn't take long for your body to B U R N out. And I kept up that pace for a disgustingly long time. I still marvel at how my body kept up with me as long as it did. At the height of it, I was working out over 5 hours A DAY. And we're not talking light jogs - we're talking going A L L  O U T. For example, here was a day in the life:

5:00 am: Wake up and do an Insanity video. Add additional cardio before and after the video started jusssst to make sure I was getting all I could from the workout. After the video ended, repeat a few of the parts I feel I didn't do as well.

7:00 am - Park my car as far from where I was going as possible, so I could squeeze in some extra walking miles to and from classes at ISU.

11:00 am: Kickboxing/aerobics class

3:30/4:00 pm: Arrive to Gold's Gym early, so I could knock out some extra cardio 

4:30 pm: Pilates

5:30 pm: Hip Hop Aerobics

6:30 pm: Body Pump [weight-lifting class]

7:30 pm: Zumba

*In between all of this, I was working and going to school full-time, demanding excellence of myself in those areas as well

By nature, I have an all-or-nothing personality (something I've really had to work to overcome). My days were for working/working out, and my nights were for winding down and eating. In my mind, eating was part of relaxing and releasing - not something I did throughout the day to, ya know, FUEL MY BODY. (facepalm) For so long, I denied my body's screams for adequate rest. For solid nutrition. For self love. 

As you can imagine, my body wasn't too stoked about my regimen, and I wasn't too stoked about my body's refusal to obey. I felt more and more sluggish. Each step was a chore. I wanted to cry, thinking about drumming up the energy to get through each day, yet each time it came to work out, my OCDness kicked into gear and I'd force myself to do just as much or more than the day before. I was terrified of losing the "progress" for which I'd battled (little did I know, my lack of rest was actually hindering progress). Again, in my mind it was all or nothing: if I didn't do as much as I'd done the day before, then all was lost. Ironically, people at the gym nicknamed me "Energizer Bunny" - little did they know how untrue that was. Rather than energy, it was sheer stupid determination powering me. 

As you can see, that drive for "greatness" is a slippery slope. It's always been my biggest strength and biggest weakness.

Eventually, my body waved the white flag. It just.couldn't.sustain.that pace. It had run on fumes for far too long, and it had had enough. I'd magically produce the energy for hard workouts, but could barely put one foot in front of the other otherwise. My sleep suffered. My concentration suffered. I had unshakeable brain fog. My adrenals were shot and my metabolism was wrecked. Add into the mix pre-existing thyroid and sleep issues, and you have a recipe for total disaster. 

While I hold myself fully accountable for the hell I put my body through, I'll be honest: positive feedback from people partly fueled my fire. Even if I didn't initially set out to drop weight, I soon started hearing from people how "fantastic" I looked. How inspirational I was. To "keep up whatever" i was doing "because it's working." The compliments were intoxicating. Naturally, I thought, "What the hell did I look like before? Clearly this is a necessary improvement - I need to keep this up!" To be fair - the complimenters were good-intentioned and had no idea of the true story, but... I will be FOREVER grateful for the very few people who had the courage and compassion to see through the exterior and tell me I looked too thin and worn out. To me - it felt like they were eliminating the pressure to keep it up. They were giving me permission to put down the gloves and quit the fight. That's why to this day, I am always careful about complimenting a person's weight loss - especially if I'm unsure of their motivations/methods. I never ever want to add fuel to their fire. If I do comment, I try to emphasize their fitness - rather than aesthetic - gains. 

Why did I just dump on you like this? Not because I wanted to blab about myself. Not because I wanted to elicit sympathy/pity/awe/etc. My SOLE REASON for bringing you in on this is to prove recovery is possible. TRULY. And to help along your journey of self-acceptance and healing. I would love nothing more.

I'll tell you a secret: I always thought people who said they recovered from body issues were, well...FRIGGIN' FULL OF IT. I thought, "They're just selling a line" or "Yeah, they must not have felt as intensely about it as I did." I never ever ever ever ever ever (times 1,000) thought I would ever be able to achieve balance and have a healthy relationship with my body and fitness. I was convinced I was doomed to a life of hating and resisting my body.  

Well, guess what?!!

IT REALLY AND TRULY IS POSSIBLE. It definitely is not instant. It takes time, effort, persistence, and DESIRE. It takes internal and external support. It takes commitment to being on the same team as your body. And honestly - that's when the magic happens, when you recognize the phenomenon that is the human body, and all it does for you. Once I stopped resisting, things fell into place. Once I truced with my body and allowed it to do its thing, it delivered tenfold. The key is listening to your body. I eat more and work out less, all while looking and feeling better than ever. And there have actually even been times in the past where my body naturally dropped significant weight easily and effortlessly without killing myself. The body has its own reasons for doing what it does - so your best bet is to befriend it. Trust me.

My one and only focus now is feeling good - now and long term. That one objective drives all of my decisions: what I do with my body, and what I put into it. It's just a bonus that I look in the mirror and like what I see, but that's no longer my motivator. There is an undeniable power in getting on the same team as your body. Your body is an intelligent and powerful force. It already knows what it needs, in regards to diet, exercise, rest... All you have to do is tap into that intuition and sync up with it. That's it. Your body naturally does the heavy lifting (literally and figuratively). Get out of your head - especially if it's filled with impossible ideals of how you "should" look - and make friends with that bod of yours. Through this blog, I will share tips and tricks I've found useful on my path to healing. And if you're one of those lucky souls who's never personally faced such issues - as long as you have a body, this blog section is for you! I will share tips in general for looking and FEELING your best. LET'S DO DIS.

xx,

-w-

What Does Authenticity Look Like?
Authenticity does not mean baring all.
— my smart friend Melissa


My friend and I were talking the other day about authenticity. It’s one of my favorite topics to ponder, explore, and discuss, increasingly so in this era of social media, filters, and curated images and lifestyles. 

To take it a step further, it’s also been even more on my mind during my acne-healing journey. I feel a lot of shame for not having perfectly clear, even-toned, smooth skin. Intellectually, do I know I’m more than what I look like? Absolutely. Intellectually, do I know my true worth is not based on appearance? Yes. BUT. My worth in society, by its standards, very much depends on the image I convey - regardless of how I actually am and look. Society doesn’t care about inner beauty, kindness, grace, intention, depth, excuses, health, REALITY. Its standards are ruthless, rigid, exacting, fluctuating, fickle, impatient, demanding, superficial, and - most importantly - ELUSIVE. Full, true achievement is impossible - always dancing out of reach. Society and its advertisements will convince you with just the right fitness regimen, just the right face cream, just the right fashion aesthetic, you can “make it.” It’s brilliant marketing - but it’s bullshit. What’s in today will be out tomorrow. Whoever is lucky enough to have their natural look align with the current trend (body/face/hair shape, etc) is instantly deemed superior: in looks, in character, in ability, in LIFE. And for those who miss the mark, whether due to mere timing (better luck next on the next “fad”) or total divergence, hope is copiously commodified. What you can’t (or won’t) change/fix, is your fault, your flaw, your demerit. And that’s part of the allure. That’s how they hook you: holding up an example of how you should be/look, with the implicit (or even explicit) acknowledgment you don’t, with the assurance that all you need is this (insert product) to achieve your goal (aka worthiness). And for extra kicks, there’s not just one world judging panel. What’s ideal in one context/culture/era/etc is hideous in another. Contradictions galore - even within the same context; for women especially. Example: If you hide your body, you’re an unattractive prude; if you show your body, you’re a deviant slut. Double standards are part of the game. Mixed signals much? It’s. EXHAUSTING.




But that conditioning runs DEEP. Bone deep, it often feels. If you’re surrounded by something, for every day of your life, it’s bound to permeate. You’re bound to be affected. Your subconscious picks up what society is putting down, and your psyche doesn’t easily release that. We’re wired for social acceptance - it was (and even actually still virtually is) vital to our survival. If you were kicked out of the clan back in the day, your chances of feeding and protecting yourself plummeted. And even today - loneliness is a major mortality risk factor. We’re social creatures - we pretty much all crave belonging. 




So yeah, having a pizza face in a world like this doesn’t always feel awesome. And I really hate the thought of needing/wanting face makeup to hide my “imperfections.” In a lot of ways, I have no shame in what I look like. I still wear clothes after they get holes in them. I still face the public after I’ve had a chemical peel or laser treatment. Stuff like that doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly, I think because it doesn’t feel attached to me, to my self worth. If I’m wearing ripped clothes, I can remove them - they’re not part of me. If I have a comically red face, obviously it’s because I just experienced something (even the onlooker doesn’t know what the hell that something is!). It’s not ME. But acne - that feels like it’s ME. Like I just am not good enough, the way I am, and then I need to cover up my so-called “flaws” to be acceptable, worthy, wanted. Yes, I know my friends and family will accept me no matter what I look like. And I don’t expect someone to cruelly comment on my complexion. But they don’t need to - I know what they’re saying. And I’m equating that to my failure to meet the standard: society’s standard I’ve accepted and internalized. Again, do I objectively know how messed up that is? Absolutely. But when that’s tethered to a message the world has relentlessly hammered into you, in multiple (sometimes unknown) ways, your whole life - it’s going to take root. It’s going to take time to de-internalize, to flush out. Is complete system override even possible? Who knows. It feels doubtful, especially right now. But the more we’re aware, and the more we intentionally, personally, and collectively call BS and defy it, step by step, we’ll make a dent, and then a bigger dent, and then a bigger dent. 




So speaking of unrealistic societal beauty standards, and speaking of authenticity - I was really bumming. Lately, I’ve really pulled back from showing my face on social media. I try to avoid filters, and I though I hate covering my face in makeup, I don’t feel comfortable bare facing it. I just don’t. My “highest self” would love to say “screw it” and post a picture of myself makeup free - not only to rebel against toxic beauty culture, but also to live and show my truth, to offer hope and light to others, and to be fully authentic. But I’ve realized (much to my sister’s credit) that my mental health matters - and I must honor where I am RIGHT NOW. I don’t have to ignore where I was and where I want to be, but I do have to acknowledge and respect where I am. Right now. And right now, my mental health would really take a hit. I have such an all-or-nothing personality, and I’m learning the value of moderation, of step by step. 




Truly though, I felt like such a fraud. Here I am promoting self love, self acceptance, unconditional worthiness independent of our exterior, and yet…I didn’t even feel comfortable posting a picture of myself sans foundation. Because I care about what I look like. And that’s okay. Like I said earlier, we have been and still are inundated with this “conditional worthiness” model every day of our lives. It won’t disappear overnight. It’ll take time, patience, intention, awareness, solidarity, grace, persistence, and compassion. We can simultaneously aspire to something - and promote that something - while living an authentic but complex, flawed existence. This doesn’t have to mean we’re inauthentic or disingenuous. Honesty is key, and so I’m offering my honesty to you. 




Which brings us to another subtopic of this: privacy in the context of authenticity. I think for many of us, media - particularly social media - has warped our sense of what we should and shouldn’t share with the world, what we’re obligated to share with the world, and what we’re entitled to know about others (especially celebrities, but also the rest of us mere mortals). 




We’ve come to equate authenticity with transparency and full disclosure.
— The Nativist

I think for multiple reasons we’re susceptible to feeling - and being - pressured to reveal more and more of our inner world: for likes, for attention, for validation, for sales. Vulnerability has become commercialized, leveraged, strategized. In a way, I think this has desensitized us and removed us: from our selves, and from others. “Raw moments” have become content we now scroll past. We want more. Our thirst for it grows, prompting us to not only top our last “share,” but others’ shares. To stand out, to stop the scroll. To prove ourselves. If we don’t bare all, we’re often equated with being fake, posed, superficial. We’ve come to equate authenticity with transparency. We’re nurturing voyeurism and judgment. It’s bad enough with celebrities. I mean, come ON - just because someone is in a movie does not mean they’re obligated to share the details of their divorce, or eating disorder, or addiction struggle. Who are we to think we’re entitled to know that? Do you want YOUR most tender, private moments and issues put on blast? For the world to openly and ruthlessly (and ignorantly) dissect? Where’s the humanity? Your privacy is sacred. More and more I’m really drawn to privacy; to being more selective about what I share, and how I share it. Trustworthiness matters. 


Just in case I gave you the wrong impression with my content on here…I’m not always gracious. I’m not always cool, calm, and collected. I’m not always grounded and present. I’m not always sweet and nice (those aren’t always positives anyway). I’m not always motivated. I’m not always sure of myself. I definitely don’t always have it together. I can be fiery and reactive. I can be spacey. I can be frustrated.


Sometimes I feel like a fake when I come on here extolling the virtues of love, empathy, acceptance, calmness, patience, and understanding - then don’t always live those IRL. Do I try? Do I believe in and mean what I say? Absolutely. Every single word. Do I have pure intentions? All the way. But knowing and applying are two different things, right? We know this. Think of all the things you know you should/shouldn’t do for your health/relationships/success - yet don’t/do. For multiple possible reasons (it’s not always just about willpower). Even docs and other experts are humans and experience this. The knowledge alone isn’t enough - it’s what we [consistently] do with that knowledge. In the past, if an expert ever (intentionally or otherwise) revealed fallibility in their own application of the knowledge, I’ll admit, I’d start to doubt/discount their expertise and message. Now, I realize that’s not fair and that doesn’t serve them or me. Just because you don’t always live the answer doesn’t mean you don’t have it. (Gabby Bernstein quote). We’re all human and we all have our own challenges and hang-ups. 




Check-ins with yourself can be helpful. This can look like asking yourself the following: Does your life reflect the person you believe yourself to be and say you are? Without you declaring you’re open minded, inclusive, non-discriminatory, generous, principled, ethical, good, etc, how would people know? Could they just tell by observing you? Do your words align with your actions and lifestyle? Does your life speak for itself? Sure, we won’t be our “highest self” every second of every day. Expecting ourselves and others to be is unfair and unreasonable - and a losing game. We’ll have our moments. But overall - what message does the way you live your life convey?




Back to my conversation with my friend, in which we touched on basically all I’ve said up to now. We also talked about how authenticity manifests differently with different people. I mean, it makes sense, right? Your authenticity is rooted in your individuality. It seems obvious, but I think it can be easy to forget. For example, my friend and I were laughing about when during pre-school orientation the teacher expressed interest in hiring my sis for photography and my sis replied, “Let a ho know!” My friend and I were both there, both reacting with jaw drops. We both love my sister for letting her personality shine through. She is who she is and that doesn’t fluctuate depending on her audience/environment. That’s her authenticity. But my friend and I being more selective of when and where to say certain things can be just as authentic. It’s not that we’re masking our selves, our truths, our thoughts, or our personalities - it’s just that we’re adjusting to our environment/audience, and communicating accordingly. Sure, there is potential here for disingenuousness, but it’s not a given. 




Furthermore, my friend and I prefer to get ready when we go out into public. Like my friend says, she shows up in the school drop-off line dressed and ready for the day, while other moms show up in sweats and last night’s makeup. This doesn’t mean one mom is more authentic than another or “real” than the other. The “real” in “keeping it real” manifests differently, depending on the individual. 




And while we’re at it, I’ve really been thinking lately on how interesting it is where we all arbitrarily draw the line: with politics, with values, with aesthetics, etc. If you’re all about accepting yourself the way you are, does that mean you’re against teeth whitening? Shaving/waxing/lasering (especially legs/underarms on females)? Braces (for aesthetic reasons)? Makeup? Cutting/coloring your hair? Plastic surgery isn’t the only way to alter your body. If you get your lashes done yet denounce cosmetic filler, that’s drawing the line for yourself. And we all have our lines drawn differently. Who’s to say who’s right?




Like I said, authenticity has long been a value and focus of mine. We must first know who we are - and that can seem daunting and confusing. To live your truth, we must know your truth - but what even IS your truth? Sometimes it seems cloudy.




From my personal experience, our truth is always there - and ours to know - it’s not necessarily instantly known to us.  And from even before we’re born (with generational trauma, experiences in utero, etc) those layers start multiplying, piling one on top of another, burying our truth further and further down. 




To access your truth requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS. It can be a lifelong process and journey of uncovering your layers and accessing your authenticity. Your true self. Your truth, in its purest form. 




I’ve found different phases in my life uncover new, different, deeper layers New experiences, new ages, new lessons unlock new levels; new nuggets of wisdom and truths about myself. It seems like no matter how well I think I know myself (and I’m a reflecter and deep thinker - I thought I knew myself pretty damn well) - there are still always new discoveries and strata to discover. Layers that only time, knowledge, experience, wisdom, and maturity can illuminate. 



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There’s no normal. There’s you.
— Gloria Steinem




So like I said, it can all take time, but our truth is always there - and ours to know - even if it’s not necessarily instantly known to us. To access it requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS. 



This doesn’t mean knowing and channeling your authenticity requires a journey of a zillion steps, and in the meantime we’re just buzzing around like a bunch of posers with no idea who we are (though that right there is a pretty loaded surface statement that we could spend some time unpacking. Let’s just say I think we’re all on an authenticity, self-awareness spectrum - and tend to bounce around the spectrum depending on time/environment/subject/etc). There is a superspeed highway, shortcut version to expedite the process and access the authenticity reservoir that is the YOU inside you: get quiet (in any sense of the word - stillness can help, but isn’t required). Calm your mind and body as much as possible, and allow your inner knowing to come through. Pay attention to what resonates, and how it resonates, within you. 



Those are your guides: who and what resonate with you. 



Thank you for being here and caring. I love you.

As You Please
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This is one of those conversations that could completely transform how you view and live life. How you show up in the world. How you FEEL.

I’m not exaggerating. This is a deep, profound, and universally relevant topic that I’ve felt increasingly pulled to explore - both on here and in my own life. This matters. It affects our relationships, our body image, our self esteem, our interactions, our life experiences. It affects everything and everyone.

And if you start listening and feel unsettled…that’s a key message in itself, something to unpack and examine. I encourage you to honor yourself and your needs, while also encouraging you to open your mind and expand past any possible fear or shame.

This actually covers a variety of significant topics to which we can almost all relate, and it was a true pleasure to tackle it with the wise and radiant Rachel Klein. In addition to the main discussion, Rachel offers her thoughts and journey on aligned and embodied living. She shares how personal tragedy fully awakened her to the fragility of life, inspiring her to quit a corporate job and move west.

This episode has the power to revolutionize your relationships - with yourself and others.

NOTE: This content is intended for mature audiences.

If you’re interested in following/working with Rachel, you can connect with her on Instagram: @mssweetpea

Resources mentioned:

True Sex and Wild Love podcast

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Respecting Yourself
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In this episode, I sit down with fellow high viber Caren (pronounced sair-en) DeCesaris.

Caren and I first connected when she contacted me on Instagram and asked me to be her first guest on her own rad podcast, SoulSpeak (check it out meow!).

In this episode, Caren opens up about her journey to self empowerment, respect, and love. She shares her history with disordered eating and how she found her way back to honoring and connecting with her body.

It’s a deep yet light-hearted session, and one I think you’ll really enjoy. (Plus, she has the melodic voice of a Disney princess, so there’s that).

You can find Caren:

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Peace and blessings,

-w-

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Model Behavior


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In this episode, I interview model Janiah DeLancy, an old soul whose spirit matches her beauty.

In our conversation, we go below the surface and dive into the depths. Janiah shares how she broke into the biz, what it’s like working with other models, how she stays grounded in a profession focused on looks, and how she didn’t take “no” for an answer. If you’re craving inspiration on resilience, nerve, and motivation, this is for you. And if you’re wanting a kick in the pants to make your dreams happen, this is especially for you!

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Living Your Truth with Rachel Laird
Image by Trey Staff (@treyshotz)Edited by me

Image by Trey Staff (@treyshotz)

Edited by me

Back at it again with my radiant amiga Rachel Laird.

There’s something for everyone in this episode. We delve into: 1. addressing body shaming + parent shaming 2. maintaining •genuine• good vibes by honoring + learning from our emotions to cultivate self awareness 3. communicating effectively 4. maintaining your own identity while being a parent, including ALL parts of your being 5. seeking fulfillment in relationships 6. LIVING AND LETTING LIVE!