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Posts tagged brene brown
C U R I O U S
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography


The future belongs to the curious. The ones who are not afraid to try it, explore it, poke at it, question it, and turn it inside out.

Curiosity is a superpower.


More than intelligence or persistence or connections, curiosity has allowed me to live the life I wanted.
— Brian Grazer
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It opens doors, keeps you engaged, keeps you learning, keeps you growing, keeps you evolving…

I personally have an INSATIABLE curiosity. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. And the more I know, the more I realize I don’t know! (It’s a total kick in the pants)


Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.
— Leo Burnett

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Curiosity manifests in multiple ways: reading, asking, exploring, experimenting.

I read basically anything I can get my hands on, usually nonfiction (though fiction can be just as insightful!). The topics I read about range from international relations to economics to finance to psychology to history to spiritual enlightenment to personal development to health/fitness to government/politics to leadership to business to…yeah, you get the idea. The more you do it, the more fun it becomes - you start making connections not only in your current reading, but in other areas: past readings, past experiences, current experiences, current situations.

The world starts to come together and make more sense (note I said more sense, not complete sense! There will always be mysteries and unknowns - part of the ride, my friend).

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Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
— Socrates

Not only do you start to see how things fit together, but you are better equipped to make wiser decisions: with your money, your career, your personal life. Knowledge is P O W E R, baby.

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And if reading isn’t enjoyable/feasible for you, then try podcasts and audiobooks! After you’re all caught up on The Nativist Podcast (shameless plug!), there are countless fantastic and informational podcasts out there in practically every genre/format/vibe imaginable.


I have no special talents. I am just passionately curious.
— Albert Einstein

Need more motivation to become more curious?

In her book Dare to Lead on page 171, Brené Brown notes researchers are finding evidence that curiosity is correlated with creativity, intelligence, improved learning and memory, and problem-solving. A study published in the October 22, 2014 issue of the journal Neuron suggests the brain’s chemistry changes when we become curious, helping us better learn and retain information. H O L L A!

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Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.
— Samuel Johnson

My curiosity also manifests in the questions I’m always throwing at people. I want to know DETAILS: background, wants, fears, ambitions, experiences, insights, philosophies, jobs, worldviews. I’m endlessly fascinated by people, social dynamics, psychology, motivations, and just LIFE in general.

Interestingly enough, I’m NOT a pryer - I respect boundaries and privacy, and play off the information the person provides me. I stay on the surface unless I either confirm willingness from the person or I sense their transparency.

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Be curious, not judgmental.

And not only is curiosity better for you, it’s better for EVERYONE. It opens your mind and helps you co-exist more peacefully. Ignorance breeds fear and contempt. Illumination and knowledge punches fear and contempt in the face. We fear what we don’t know, whether it’s the stock market or a religion certain politicians like to tell us promotes terrorism.


Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common but it is essential for right thinking.
— Leo Tolstoy
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It’s OUR responsibility to educate ourselves. To not rely on hearsay and rumors and news pundits. That’s when it gets dangerous (Nazi Germany, anyone?!). It’s on us to get out and explore and keep an open and curious mind.

Try not to just automatically accept information you receive, even if from an expert/trusted source. Identify possible biases/knowledge gaps; try to separate the facts from the underlying agenda. Let’s think for ourselves. Interact with foreign cultures, foreign ideas, foreign methods - so we can assess them ourselves and reach our own conclusions. It’s our civic duty, our personal duty, our moral duty.

Closed-mindedness is the enemy. Not only does it start wars and cultivate hate crimes, it fuels hatred and just makes life friggin’ MISERABLE for everyone. Everyyyyone. Not just the hated - those low vibing haters ain’t happy, either. Plus, it just limits everyone’s lives! It stunts innovation, rejects bliss, prevents growth. No bueno.

In his book Tribes, Seth Godin distinguishes between fundamentalism and curiosity.

  • Fundamentalist: considers whether a concept is acceptable to their worldview before exploring it.

  • Curious person: explores first and then either accepts or rejects the new idea.








This applies not only to religion, but life in general. Which are you? IMPORTANT QUESTION: Do you embrace the tension between your current framework and a new idea, or do you filter for what fits your current outlook?

As Godin states, curiosity has nothing to do with income, education, or organized religion. It has to do with a desire to try, a desire to push boundaries.

As I see it, curiosity is a weapon against mediocrity. It keeps us striving and evolving and innovating and ENGAGING IN LIFE. It helps us maximize our potential. Unlike stress and pressure which can be destructive and counter-productive, curiosity is a positive but powerful force propelling us forward. It illuminates the dark, reveals opportunities, generates ideas, yields solutions, smashes barriers, obliterates hatred, and nurtures self awareness.


Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
— James Stephens
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Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity.

When we look at life through a lens of curiosity, the world automatically feels safer, better, cooler. It feels more interesting, more fun, more awe-inspiring. It feels less threatening, less dangerous, less baffling, less negative.


There are those much more rare people who never lose their curiosity, their almost childlike wonder at the world; those people who continue to learn and to grow intellectually until the day they die. And these usually are the people who make contributions, who leave some part of the world a little better off than it was before they entered it.
— William Herbert Sheldon

The mundane suddenly becomes A W E S O M E. Curiosity has a way of reinvigorating your life. I mean, think about it: We live in an incredible world, with all of its intricacies and connections and features: in nature, in societies, in EVERYTHING. Once you start paying attention and WONDERING - the world becomes and infinite wonderland.

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Don’t think about why you question, simply don’t stop questioning. Don’t worry about what you can’t answer, and don’t try to explain what you can’t know. Curiosity is its own reason, aren’t you in awe when you contemplate the mysteries of eternity, of life of the marvelous structure behind reality?

And this is the miracle of the human mind - to use its constructions, concepts, and formulas as tools to explain what man sees, feels and touches. Try to comprehend a little more each day. Have holy curiosity.
— Albert Einstein
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That’s one of the reasons I absolutely love kids: they’re constantly asking why, trying to make sense of the world (you parents constantly bombarded with questions may find them less charming!). Why do some people say yes when they mean no? Why do we do what we do and say what we say? Why is the sky blue and why is steel strong and why can’t we just write checks to pay for everything?

Bottom line: Curiosity rules. Don’t think so?

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xx,

-w-

E M B R A C E the B L I S S
Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

When you focus on the good, the good gets better.

In moments of bliss and triumph, do you ever feel stoked…then feel uneasy and wonder when the other shoe will drop?

Do you ever look at someone you love (your kids, your partner) and think how much you love + adore them - and then immediately think of how crushed you would be if anything ever happened to them (at which point millions of awful scenarios play out in your mind)?

Why do we insist on conjuring up potential tragedy in moments of deep joy?

Because joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel, even more so than fear and shame.

As Brené Brown advises in her new book, Dare to Lead, when we feel joy, it is a place of incredible vulnerability. It’s beauty and fragility and deep gratitude and permanence all wrapped up in one experience.

When unable to tolerate that level of vulnerability, our joy actually morphs into foreboding, and we immediately shift to self protection. We go on offense. It’s as if we face off to vulnerability and declare, “You will not catch me off guard. You will not sucker punch me with pain. I will be prepared and ready for you.”

However…

The collateral damage of this instinct is we waste the joy we need to build up any emotional reserve, the joy that allows us to accumulate resilience for if/when tragic things do happen. Boom: Another powerful reason to live in the moment.

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Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.
— Mother Teresa

In moments like these I tell myself, “Right now, life kicks ass and I’m going to be happy and ride this wave as long as possible.” Not to say you must be sad and miserable during life’s other moments; but during those highs, lose yourself in the happiness, lean into the joy, embrace the bliss.

What allows you to do this, while still fortifying you against what may come? Simply gratitude. Just be GRATEFUL. I tell myself, “No matter how long this lasts, it’s happening right now, and for that I’m thankful.” I commit to being grateful for however long it lasts, and just grateful it’s even happening at all. (The bonus is this actually attracts more things for which to be grateful!)

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.

It’s allowing yourself the pleasure of accomplishment/love/joy/etc - really feeling it and absorbing it - but conjuring up gratitude for the moment and for the opportunity. It’s allowing yourself to recognize the sliver of vulnerability - that “Oh shit I have something worth losing now” feeling - and to just sit with it, and be grateful you have something you want, in your hand, that feels good to hold and recognize. We must stop every so often to celebrate ourselves and others, and our opportunities and wins, no matter how small. Things may go sideways later, but don’t let that rob you of the joy right now.

You don’t know what’s around the corner, so why sacrifice the present’s awesomeness for something that may not even friggin’ happen?

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I’m a big believer in positive thinking. And get this: Thoughts really DO have energy. This is not a mystical, hippie concept. It is quantum physics grounded in research and experiments of modern scientific tools. It is also backed by scientists like ya boys Einstein and Edison. Yeah, the heavy hitters. There is so much more to say on this (fascinating!) topic, but suffice it to say: Your thoughts have energy and it is scientifically proven. When you think negative thoughts, it attracts more negativity. When you think positive thoughts, it attracts more positivity.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.
— Steve Maraboli

In this vein, there are a couple of points I want to make:

  • This doesn’t mean you must force yourself to (try to) stay positive and high vibing every second of every day.

    • That’s just not feasible. Not realistic. As with everything in life, it’s about balance. Those “off” moments and low vibes serve just as valuable of a purpose. Not only do they amplify by the awesome moments/feelings/etc by providing contrast (think bright twinkling stars in an inky black sky), they also reveal our unhealed parts, aka opportunities for growth and evolution. It’s impossible and unintended for us to be jazzed 100% of the time, so remove that pressure from yourself right meow! Again, this doesn’t mean you reYOu sign yourself to misery and blahness during those “lower” moments. No, it’s about getting to a place where you embrace and are grateful for ALL life offers - the wins and the moments to learn and level up. It’s about loving yourself and others through it all

      • And what about those times when no matter how hard you try, you just feel dark? Stuck in those low vibes? Then just remember to bring it back to the breath, baby. Let that be your full focus. Breathe in, breathe out. (It helps to imagine inhaling love and positivity, and exhaling fear and negativity) If you doubt its power and think it’s something you can easily pass on - I dare you to try it just once. Yep, you’re welcome. (And no, this doesn’t make you a hippie - it just makes you a smart and effective BAMF.)

  • Don’t confuse faith you will prevail in the end - which you can’t afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, regardless of what they are.

    • This was a lesson shared by former Vietnam prisoner of war Admiral Jim Stockdale in Jim Collins’s classic book Good to Great (great read). Stockdale spent eight years as a POW and was tortured more than 20x. Not only did he fight to keep himself alive, he also helped other prisoners endure the physical and emotional torment.

So celebrate, and celebrate often - even if you’re just celebrating being alive. Embrace the bliss and love it for what it is.

xx,

-w-

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B O U N D A R I E S
Images by Whitney Richardson Photography  Models Chelsie Conger (@xochelsieco) and Todd Conger (@toddvanclair)

Images by Whitney Richardson Photography

Models Chelsie Conger (@xochelsieco) and Todd Conger (@toddvanclair)

“Compassion does not exist without boundaries.”

When I first heard this statement from the incredible Brene Brown, I remember feeling surprised and incredulous. Say what? What did boundaries have to do with compassion? It seemed like the most compassionate and empathetic people were “boundless” with their compassion and empathy.

Upon hearing Brene out, I was in full agreement with her assertion. Sing it, sister.

Brene notes she was also shocked to discover her research revealed the most compassionate people were the most boundaried. She defines boundaries as parameters for what is and is not okay.

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According to Brene, establishing solid, defined, firm boundaries allows us to be compassionate and empathetic but not resentful. This is key! Having those boundaries prevents us from feeling drained, taken advantage of, and unappreciated.

Think about it! Tell me if the following scenario sounds similar to something you’ve experienced:

Someone asks you for a favor. Maybe it’s baby-sitting their kids, or lending your tool. You agree, only to have them stay out two hours past their expected return time, or totally trash your tool.

NOT OKAY.

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If you’re not straightforward about your boundaries, including acknowledging when someone crosses them, this will affect your capacity for compassion in the moment. Whether you realize it or not, it affects you. Even by justifying their actions (“Oh, they’re just stressed - they needed some extra time” or “That’s okay, things are just things”) you repress your true emotions that naturally arise from having boundaries crossed. And repressed emotions don’t just magically melt away. No, that shiz stays with you and manifests itself eventually, and never in a good way. If you repeatedly repress emotions, they just fester and snowball. Notttt a good situation. You’ll likely experience physical AND mental AND emotional symptoms as a result.

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So do both yourself and others a favor by speaking your truth. Define your boundaries. Let others know what is and is not okay. There’s no need to be abrasive and aggressive about it; you can be gentle yet firm.

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Brene also offers the question: What if rather than trying to anger you/hurt you/use you/etc, people are doing the best they can? She shares her husband’s beautiful response powerful response to the question:

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I’ll never know whether people are doing the best they can or not, but when I assume people are, it makes my life better.

Brene avers now she is not as sweet as she used to be, but she is far more loving. She states her question is B I G: What boundaries need to be in place for me to stay in my integrity to make the most generous assumptions about you?

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Brene declares generosity can’t exist without boundaries, but acknowledges boundaries are not easy. We want people to like us/we don’t to disappoint people/etc. Brene asserts boundaries are the key not only to self love, but to treating others with loving kindness.

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Nothing is sustainable without boundaries.
— Brene Brown
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If you’ve done your work and set your boundaries, your empathy is infinite.



xx,

-w-

Compassion minus boundaries is not genuine.
— Brene Brown
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